


Weak and Weary

by iknaq



Series: The Suits [4]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Music, Anxiety, Ass Play, BBW, Banter, Blood and Injury, Break Up, Cutting, Depression, Drug Use, F/M, Flirting, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Music, Nick Is Equipped, Nightmares, Oral Sex, Overdosing, POV Alternating, Polyamorous Character, Size Kink, Smut, Vaginal Sex, plus size
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-01 14:26:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 39,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10923696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iknaq/pseuds/iknaq
Summary: Amari helps Audra find information from Kellogg's brain, but the effects of being plugged in bother Nick more than anticipated. Alcohol and drugs and pain lead to bad things for Audra.Hancock decides to hang around and watch out for the girly. Audra finds comfort with Sturges. Hancock and Audra find Virgil. Hancock and Audra recover from their injuries and discuss where things go from there.Audra and Nick confront each other.





	1. Insidious and Deadly Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. This first chapter was really, really rough for me. Trigger warnings for anything after Nick's POV - Alcohol Abuse, Drug Use, Cutting, Overdosing.  
> I'll mark the divide if you are not comfortable with any of that, do not read past that point.  
> tl;dr - Kellogg's memories mess with Nick, making him leave. Audra blames herself, gets drunk and does chems and falls back to cutting...but the drugs and alcohol were more than planned and she nearly ODs.

Deacon leaned against the wall of the alleyway, panting for a moment, catching his breath before trying to change.  
  
(Fever - The Black Keys)  
  
He'd been a bit ahead of Audra and Valentine as they left Sanctuary for Goodneighbor, but she was moving at a breakneck speed today. She looked extremely anxious and just blew past everything in her way.  
So, he ended up having to leave them behind as he ran the last bit to Goodneighbor. He changed into one of his drifter outfits in the alleyway, wandering out and positioning himself in front of the shops, tossing a wink at Daisy over his glasses and hearing the ghoul chuckle at him. He had to resist the urge to fidget impatiently, so he lit a cigarette instead, doing his damnedest to look chill. He knew she'd recognize him, Valentine had said as much, but he wanted to see how she would react to him there.  
  
He'd been back at base for a few days and happened to catch sight of the pair as they made their way out of Diamond City, so he tagged along, staying an appropriate distance back. When it became clear where they were headed, he beat them to Bunker Hill, dressing up as a caravan guard and had just started to relax against the wall when they strolled in.  
The General was all business and made her way to the market, dealing with Stockton and the other merchants first. He was surprised when she spoke with Kessler and the older woman agreed to allow them to build a shack for Minutemen use. Of course, the problem the General had agreed to help with and the large amount of caps that had exchanged hands probably helped grease the deal. She couldn't convince them to ally with the Minutemen, too much shit had gone down in the past for that, but he wouldn't be surprised if she wore them down eventually...woman had a way with people. Lord knows he played right into her hands that evening.  
He was hanging out at the bar, whisky in hand, sounding appropriately slurred when she tried fixing the broken radio and he'd asked her to sing. After a moment she started belting out a tune, he saw the look on Valentine's face when he wandered over and could tell that things had changed between the pair, he'd noticed earlier that the detective was now calling her Audra instead of Quinn. Then the lyrics of the song sunk in and he was trying to figure out if it was directed at him. Valentine smiled at her, which made her smile, which made him smile. It was just such a wonderful interaction, he couldn't help himself.  
  
'Hey, uh, that was great. Thanks!'  
  
She winked and he could feel his heart rate picking up a bit. She turned the radio and the sound of Travis rambling took over...he wished it was still broken, then maybe they could have convinced her to sing some more.  
She went to pay for her beers and it was obvious she was taking off for the night and he tried not to be too disappointed.  
  
'What a day, huh?'  
  
He watched her retreat to her rented room, frowning and downing his drink, trying to remember what he'd said to her at Diamond City...fairly certain she recognised him from before. That sounded like something he would say and she mimicked his voice when she said it.  
  
_Well, shit._  
  
After pondering another whisky, he figured he'd better not and went to get some sleep in one of his spots, a nearby garage he'd set up with a chair. He made sure the area was relatively clear and pulled the garage door down, sitting in the chair and sleeping lightly for an hour or two. He ate what little he had in his bag and wandered back to Bunker Hill, finding a spot in the obelisk where he could watch out for Audra and Valentine.  
  
Deacon trailed them back to Sanctuary, an eyebrow raising when Valentine wandered off in a huff. After changing into his settler clothing, he wandered in next to Carla's brahmin, using it as his cover. He could see Audra up on the third floor of the closest building, staring out of the windows so he wandered a bit till he saw Valentine chain smoking.  
It probably wasn't the wisest move, going in to talk with Nick, but he felt bad for the synth. He took off after a brief word, Valentine confirming that he had been made, leaving just in time to see Audra making for the house.  
  
He made friendly with Sturges, pretending to be a new Minuteman recruit. He was glad the man was doing well...he didn't remember it anymore, but they'd been almost pals before the Gen-3 underwent a memory wipe. Sturges and most of the settlers had nothing but praise for the General and he could see how much Sturges valued their friendship and how he was happy for Nick, despite his earlier snub.  
Deacon happily partook in the running, hot water they had and bedded down in the Minuteman bunkhouse. He was glad that he did when the runner came early in the morning, waking Garvey, who in turn woke Audra and Valentine.  
  
He made his way out before they did and stayed ahead of them as best they could. He'd caught a few snippets of what was going on and was hoping the good doctor would be willing to divulge a little bit of information but here he was, waiting for her to wander in, trying to tell himself that his heart was pounding out of excitement over the mission.  
  
-  
  
She wasn't sure what to expect from Goodneighbor, Nick seemed to have a love/hate relationship with the place from what he'd told her about it, and he couldn't really tell her anymore about the mysterious Doctor's summons.  
Audra had a slight pang of irritation when Nick had mentioned that they would be going to The Memory Den to speak with the doctor, remembering Ellie's mention of the woman, Irma.  
  
She was rapidly getting more and more on edge. She'd been in the area, before everything but with the changes from the passage of time and the constant threats they were running into along the way, she was feeling lost and anxious. God help anything stupid enough to get in her way right now...  
  
_I'm coming, baby...Momma loves you._  
  
(House of the Rising Sun - Five Finger Death Punch)  
  
The neon lights made her think of Vegas for some reason and she was prepared for anything when they went through the door...it was rather anticlimactic on the first glance.  
The Old State House looked in surprisingly good shape, it was smelly and trashy, but there were some signs indicating some traders and people milling about. There was a man in a leather jacket approaching them, but she wasn't really paying attention to him as he first spoke to Nick, an eyebrow raising as she instead focused on the sunglasses covered eyes of the Railroad man.  
  
_I don't know if I should shake his hand for being so brazen...or kick him in the balls...maybe both. Now what the hell does this dickhead want?_  
  
She tuned back in to leather jacket man, rolling her eyes as he tried to shake them down for 'insurance'. Nick must have realized how on edge she was, trying to intervene when she told the man to back off in no uncertain terms, she didn't think it was an overreaction when he continued to push and she knocked him on his ass with a punch.  
The man started to get up, obviously intent on advancing on them when someone spoke up.  
  
'Whoa, whoa. Time out. Nick Valentine makes a rare visit to town, and you're hassling his friend here with that extortion crap? Good to see you again, Nick.'  
  
'Hancock.'  
  
Audra had to arch an eyebrow again as the man speaking came swaggering up and swagger he did, in style. The clothes fit the name and she was fairly certain those were indeed the authentic articles. He was slightly shorter then leather jacket and definitely shorter than Nick, but he carried himself with the air of someone larger.  
  
_He better back that up, to be that confident...Mayor, huh...okay..._  
  
She continued to watch the conversation, trying not to squirm impatiently. She was slightly surprised when Hancock pulled his blade, stabbing the man twice in quick succession, before turning to them.  
  
_Blade at his back, small, quick, stronger than he looks to have held the man by his shoulder there..._  
  
She was appraising him while he finished up and turned his dark eyes on her, giving her the same look, sizing her up.  
  
'Now I know you had ole' Finn handled back there, but a mayor's gotta make a point sometimes. You all right?'  
  
She made a deliberate show of smirking as she walked up to the ghoul, pushing her goggles up on her head, helping hold her loose hair back. She'd met several ghouls that had joined the settlements or the Minutemen and most seemed to strive to be nondescript, but this man put off an in your face sexy bad boy vibe that she felt the need to match.  
  
'I'm fine. Thanks for taking care of him.'  
  
'Good. Now don't let this incident taint your view of our little community. Goodneighbor's of the people, for the people, you feel me? Everyone's welcome.'  
  
'Yeah. I feel you.'  
  
'Good. You stay cool, and you'll be part of the neighbourhood. So long as you remember who's in charge.'  
  
Audra turned and nodded her head to Nick and they started forward, she took a moment to point a finger gun at Mr Railroad, making a soft popping noise. Rolling her eyes when he just grinned.  
Hancock was still watching them and on an impulse, she reached over, chucking his chin lightly as they passed with a wink. The young woman behind him had started forward with a frown, but stopped when Hancock just bust out laughing, slapping a knee. They could still hear him snickering as Audra made a show of sauntering away, moving her bag to her side to give the best view, knowing the ghoul had to be watching. Nick looked at her with a wry grin, shaking his head as they made for the Memory Den. There was a bit more to Goodneighbor, but Audra thought she might explode if they didn't find out what the doctor wanted, soon.  
It was smoky and stale smelling in the building, the entrance was nothing special, but Quinn looked around at the pods when they reached the main room. Rolling her eyes as she saw the woman that must be Irma.  
  
'Well, well. Mister Valentine. I thought you had forgotten about little ole' me.'  
  
'May have walked out of the Den, Irma, but I'd never walk out on you.'  
  
'Hmph. Amari's downstairs, you big flirt.'  
  
Nick started to move for the stairs, looking back at her and she could have sworn she saw the smoke come out of Irma's ears, but Audra was slightly distracted.  
  
_How in the bloody fucking hell did he get here before us?? I didn't see him dash by...he had to have snuck by when I was flirting with Hancock._  
  
Now...it may not have been very mature, but it gave Audra great satisfaction when she walked to the side of the pod and pressed her face against it, blowing on the plastic. It made Mr Railroad jump and hit his head on the top of the pod as Audra snickered.  
  
'You'd do well not to bother my other patrons or I'll have you escorted out of here.'  
  
She rounded on the older woman, frowning at her tone, striding over to her little platform. Woman obviously liked to put on a show, but seemed to be just talk as she shrank back slightly when Audra approached.  
  
'He'd do well to fucking introduce himself then, instead of just following me around. I'm not here to cause trouble, but I refuse to take being stalked without saying something. Now if you'll excuse me and my boyfriend, we have something to do.'  
  
Both Irma and Nick looked at her in shock and the woman just sat there puckering like a fish while Audra dragged Nick down the stairs. There was more to it, of course, but she didn't want to tell Nick they'd been talking about him and Irma at girl's night.  
  
'Now, doll...'  
  
She could tell he was irritated but didn't want to set her off again and she spun around, backing him into a wall.  
  
'You can be mad at me all you want later, Nick, but dude either needs to introduce himself or back the fuck off. I tried to make it light and funny and she had to take a fucking tone with me. She didn't even bother to introduce herself to me, just talking to you and glaring at me for obviously impeding her crappy attempts at seducing you. If you want to go flirt then go, if you want to go fuck then go.'  
  
'Audra. It's fine, I know you're anxious, I just don't know if it was wise pointing out our relationship to a roomful of people.'  
  
'If I was mistaken in calling you my boyfriend, then I'm sorry. But I am not going to fucking hide. I don't give a shit what other people say about us being together and I'll happily have words with anyone that says something. I love you Nicholas Valentine and...'  
  
He cut her off with a kiss, pulling her close. Audra whimpered a little against his mouth, realising that she was shaking hard. Clinging to his coat, hiding her face against his chest when they broke the kiss, tearing up as she felt him stroke her hair softly.  
  
'Just breathe, sweetheart. You've been worked up all day and it was just a bit much...but I'm here, we're here. I love you and we're going to go see what we can find out about Shaun, okay?'  
  
Audra nodded a little and held onto him for a moment longer before pulling back with a deep breath. Holding hands, they wandered into the basement room.  
There were two pods in the room and a woman hunched over a terminal at the back.  
  
'Doctor Amari?'  
  
'Ah, Mister Valentine, you're back...good, good...and this must be the General.'  
  
'Please, call me Quinn'  
  
She held her hand out to shake the doctors hand, noticing the woman looking at her and Nick's joined hands and smiling.  
  
'When Nicholas first came to me, I thought he was mad. But I went ahead and looked into it, I was beginning to think that I was not going to be able to help you, but I think I may have thought of a way. I was not able to break through the security on the device, but I think we may be able to circumvent it...if he is willing to assist. Mister Valentine is an older generation synth. But, Institute technology being what it is... The brain implant could fit him. But that's... an incredible risk to take. We're talking about wiring something to his brain.'  
  
'Don't worry about me, Amari. I'm well past the warranty date, anyway.'  
  
'Nicholas...'  
  
He tugged her closer, cupping her face and kissing her tenderly, 'Let me do this for you, please? If I start cackling like an old, grizzled mercenary, pull me out, okay?'  
  
Sighing and nodding just a little, voice soft, 'I appreciate this, Nick. I love you.'  
  
'Love you too, doll. Okay, doc.'  
  
'Whenever you're ready, Mister Valentine. Just sit down.'  
  
Audra nearly started crying when it was looking like it wouldn't work but when the doctor suggested they try it with the two of them, she jumped at the chance.  
  
_I'm trying baby._  
  
-  
  
Nick was worried about Audra, she practically ran the entire way to Goodneighbor, killing everything in their path and she was steadily getting more and more anxious.  
He was worried when she punched Finn, knocking the larger man over, his hand hovering over his pistol in case things went south.  
He was worried when John came over and took care of Finn, then focused in on Audra, unsure what direction John's mood would take him. He was just as likely to offer a romp in bed as he was to stick someone with his knife like he just did.  
He was worried when he realised Deacon was standing in front of the shops and Audra had noticed him.  
  
He felt a little wave of relief, grinning wryly as the woman he loved wrapped the deadly mayor around her little finger with ease. She made a shooting gesture at Deacon, but left it at that. He kept an eye on Fahrenheit when she started forward as Audra teased the mayor, but John's laughter stopped the bodyguard in her tracks. They were walking away and he gave Hancock a wink, setting the mayor off into a few more giggles.  
He had thought that maybe she'd calmed down slightly and things would go smoothly, but he realised he was completely off base when he turned around and saw her face once they were in the Memory Den.  
  
He wondered if she was mad at him for flirting, he did it out of habit more than any desire for the woman any longer, Audra had shown him what desire truly was.  
Then the terrible thought popped in his head, wondering if she had heard something, from the way she was glaring at Irma. But when she spun around and he recognized Deacon in the pod, he started forward to grab her...then she ran up to the pod and blew on the shell, making Deacon jump, he was about to start laughing when Irma made the mistake of speaking up.  
  
Audra spun and was dressing down the older woman instantly, making her uneasy on her lounger, leaving them gaping at the angry young woman.  
  
_She...she just told the entire room I was her boyfriend like it was no big deal._  
  
She had said she wasn't going to hide their relationship, but that was in the safety of Sanctuary and not Goodneighbor. He really hoped that the few people he did not recognize were not ones for blabbing, he did not want Audra to have to deal with any potential fallout of being associated with him. She grabbed his hand and they started down the stairs, he was upset, thinking about some of the horrible things that people might say about their relationship. No one had said anything in Sanctuary, but he'd seen a few looks before they left.  
  
'Now, doll...'  
  
She spun on him and he could see how upset she was, just shaking. She started going off and getting even more in a state, so he did the only thing he could think of...Nick kissed her, trying to show her how much he loved her, pulling her to his chest gently. After they broke the kiss, he just stood there, stroking her hair gently and trying to give her reassuring words.  
He would have done anything to get her to smile again, seeing her so scared.  
  
_And that's how you ended up in this weird state, Valentine._  
  
(Build A Bridge - Limp Bizkit)  
  
It was...odd. It was like he was watching over his own shoulder and his body was watching a T.V. that was playing Kellogg's memories. He could feel the love and warmth once Audra was loaded in, watching her wander through the memories like a ghost on the screen.  
But...there was something...something much worse pushing at the edges. The room his body was watching T.V. in started to grow dark and as soon as he heard that grizzled laughter he knew he wasn't alone.  
Kellogg stepped out of the shadows, looking at the Nick on the couch.  
  
'Well, well, if it isn't the clockwork dick. I'm honestly surprised they never sent me to collect you. They generally don't like to waste resources without some kind of return.'  
  
Then Kellogg looked at him, his disembodied form, and smirked. He turned to watch the memories on the T.V. scowling as Audra poked through what was left of his brain.  
  
'You realize that all she is going to find from the Institute is pain, right? They specialize in being bastards. I mean, just look at how they set me up, put me in place for you two to find me. Did not expect the soft little vaultie to be so vicious though, I mean, look at how she had to save you. Though you're looking in better shape now than you did then. Gotta impress the lady to get laid, right?'  
  
Nick was starting to feel like a storm was brewing in his brain, between his own irritation at Kellogg taking jabs at him and Audra's irritation at being thrust into the memory of the vault, the ceiling of the little room was starting to crackle and spark and rumble.  
Kellogg was holding a tablet of some kind, holding it up so that Nick could see Audra jamming her hand into the Gen-2 to save him. He'd worried at the time that she was going to die and it was even worse seeing it from this angle, like he was pulling a memory directly from Audra...watching the blood streaming down her forearm he realized just how lucky he was that she had saved him and how lucky she was to still be alive.  
Nick growled in anger when the memories of them at Home Plate started streaming across the tablet, making the mercenary chuckle at his expense.  
  
'My, my...the eggheads would have a field day if they knew about that. The defective unit fucking their precious pre-war lab sample. They'd probably want to dissect her brain to see how she could love a machine like you.'  
  
Nick's body was off the couch and throwing a punch at the dead man, watching himself as they fought and the ceiling started to turn like a vortex. Kellogg continued on though, fighting, but speaking to his spectral form.  
  
'They'll kill you and break her. They'll rip you apart, limb by limb, while she watches. How much of her mind will be left after she looses another person she loves? I took a peek in there while she's been busy...lady has some problems.'  
  
The vortex on the ceiling opened up and Nick could see the florescent light of the memory den pulling at him. He started to come back into his own body and mind, but he could feel Kellogg still tugging at him in his mind.  
  
'You're going to get her killed. Her love for you will destroy you both.'  
  
'Mister Valentine?....Mister Valentine, come on back...Nicholas?'  
  
Doctor Amari came into focus and was standing in front of him, he looked around the room frowning, Audra was still in the pod. He stood and motioned to her.  
  
'Is she okay? Why isn't she up yet?'  
  
'I'm taking her out slowly, the pain from Kellogg's memory was causing spikes that could have sent her into neural shock. You were also displaying significant spikes in your processors, did you see anything while you were plugged in?'  
  
_Nick frowned, Audra could have been hurt...and all those things Kellogg said....no, better to not tell her._  
  
'No, it was like I was watching a movie, but I felt disconnected.'  
  
'Okay, well, you may still experience some mnemonic impressions from being plugged in for as long as you were...memories, mannerisms, should not be anything too extreme and they should fade fairly quickly. If you feel anything is out of sorts, I would like you to return to me for further observation. It's probably going to be another half an hour or so before I pull Quinn out if you would wait upstairs, please.'  
  
Nick nodded absently and went upstairs, ignoring Irma as he walked past, taking a seat on the bench near the front. Kellogg's voice kept echoing through his head like it was stuck playing on a loop.  
  
... _You're going to get her killed. Her love for you will destroy you both..._  
  
He tried to put it out of his mind, but one of the patrons walked by, looking at him with disgust. The man was one of the people that had been there when Audra had called him her boyfriend. He was used to people's hate, he'd had a century to deal with it...but what would they say and do to her?  
  
(Human - Rag'n'Bone Man)  
  
He sat there watching as he flexed his metal hand, worried for Audra. Kellogg...or what was left of Kellogg's mind, anyways...was right. They would use him to get to her. He felt a surge of relief as he saw her walking towards him, he loved her so much...they could figure something out, he promised her would help her get her son back.  
  
'Nick...'  
  
Audra was shaking again, a horrified look on her face, hand ready to go for her gun.  
  
'Kellogg? Is that you?'  
  
'What? What are you talking about?'  
  
'You....you sounded like Kellogg just then.'  
  
'Did I? Amari said there might be some 'mnemonic impressions' left over...'  
  
He was about to continue, but it was like he could hear Kellogg laughing in the back of his mind and Audra still looked terrified of him. She was scared...scared of him?  
  
_Oh, my love...I'm sorry..._  
  
He knew what he needed to do, but it was still hard...and it hurt so goddamn much...  
  
'I think I should head back to Diamond City.'  
  
She looked surprised and hurt, shifting from one foot to the other and he almost took it back.  
  
'What? But...why?'  
  
_You're going to get her killed._  
  
'That...'  
  
He stopped himself and did his best to lock himself down like she would, not wanting to show her how much this was going to kill him.  
  
'That was a bit more then I was expecting there and I don't think I can do this anymore. I've managed to stay out of their clutches so far, but you'll be getting right into the thick of it and I can't follow you there.'  
  
She started to open her mouth but he shook his head and forced his anger at himself into the words.  
  
'I won't follow you there. Okay, doll? It was fun while it lasted, but we both knew it would never work. I'm tired of being a toy if you want one I'm sure Sturges would be more than happy to satisfy your urges.'  
  
The shock and pain in her eyes was going to kill him, but even that was better than watching the emotion leave her face and leave that empty blank stare, her voice was quiet and measured.  
  
_Her love for you will destroy you both..._  
  
'Okay, I understand. I will be busy with preparations, but if there are cases to take care of, you can leave word with a runner. You have your key to Home Plate.'  
  
She turned and walked out, leaving him sitting there, wishing he could cry.  
  
_If she hates me, they can't use me to hurt her. I love you, Audra._  
  
He wasn't sure how long he sat there wishing he'd gotten one last kiss, but when he looked up and saw Irma staring at him with pity in her eyes, he couldn't take it. Standing up and practically running to Diamond City, hoping not to see her again for a good long while.  
  
_Because you're weak Valentine...you would go crying and begging her to take you back..._  
  
(Volcano - Damien Rice)  
  
It was Kellogg's voice berating him in his head and he couldn't bring himself to argue.

* * *

 

 

 

* * *

He was lying. He had sounded like Kellogg, scaring the ever-living shit out of her and now he was lying.  
  
_You put him in this position. You put him at risk for your gain and now he hates you for it. He was right, it would have never lasted, you would have fucked it up at some point._  
  
It was taking everything not to cry as she wandered back out into Goodneighbor, looking around for a moment before heading for the Hotel Rexford next door. She rented a room and dumped her bag, pulling apart her rifle and tucking it behind one of the dresser drawers in case someone decided to snoop. Getting her smaller purse and throwing some caps and cigs in it, before locking the door behind herself and heading to the bar they had passed on the way in.  
  
(Monster - Meg Meyers)  
  
Whatever Nick had experienced while being plugged in had to have been too much for him. She should have gone to talk with Amari, but she didn't want to deal with it right now...all she wanted to do was to forget Nicholas Valentine for a while. Maybe if she got drunk enough she would find some kind of divine fucking inspiration as to how she was going to go wandering into ground zero.  
  
Audra nodded at the giant ghoul bouncer as she passed and stopped on the stairs briefly, listening to the music echoing through the stairwell. The woman's voice was lovely. After taking a deep breath she started heading down the remainder of the stairs, she saw that the owner of said voice was lovely, as well. She took a quick look around before wandering over to the Mr Handy who appeared to be a bartender. He was an odd Mr Handy, Cockney sounding and full of piss and vinegar. She bought several bottles of whisky and declined his offers of a job for the time being.  
  
She thought about plopping down on one of the couches so she could listen to the music, but one of the other patrons made like they were going to start a conversation and she most definitely did not want that right now. She noticed the door off to the side with the VIP sign hanging above it and wandered that way to see what was back there.  
The room was empty save for one man and Audra nearly dropped the bottles she was carrying when he looked up and she got a look at his face under his hat.  
  
_Dumped by Nick, now here's a fucking guy that could be a fucking doppelganger for Nate. Can this night suck anymore?_  
  
Luckily she'd already put her face in place, so the guy didn't see her distress, he just regarded her curiously.  
  
'Mind if I take a seat? Won't be any trouble, just want a slightly quieter spot to drink.'  
  
He shrugged, 'Not my place, so you can sit wherever the fu...frick you want.'  
  
Audra inclined her head at him politely and took a seat on the lounge chair against the wall, setting the other bottles down and opening one. She didn't even bother with the glass in her hand, setting it down with the unopened bottles and just started chugging.  
  
'Whoa, there lady...rough night?'  
  
She stopped a third of the way through the bottle, coughing a bit, throat burning. She lowered the bottle, giving the guy a bitter smirk.  
  
'How could you guess?'  
  
'Well, you know, the trying to drown yourself in whisky was a pretty big indicator. Might want to slow down unless you're trying to kill yourself.'  
  
He frowned when she just rolled her shoulder and took another swig.  
  
'Do....uh, do you need to talk about it or something?'  
  
She almost laughed, dude, looked so completely awkward while asking like he was not used to caring. Moving to a chair closer to her, looking so sincere even while uncomfortable. He looked so much like her dead husband she had to look down at the floor to recompose herself.  
  
'I'll be fine. Thank you. I just...I just want to forget today for a little bit.'  
  
She raised her bottle, taking the empty glass and filling it, handing it to the guy and giving it a clink once he took it. He looked down at the glass, shrugging a little like she had and downed the whisky. She offered the bottle and after a moment of considering her, let her refill the glass.  
They sat there in an awkward silence as they finished the one bottle and then worked through the other. Once the second and third bottle were done Audra stood, a little unsteady, leaning over and giving him a kiss on the cheek and helping him lie down on the couch he'd originally been sitting on with a little laugh. She was drunk, but this poor lanky fucker was even more so.  
  
She frowned as she stumbled out, making her way to her room. The booze didn't make her forget, Nick was still on her mind and now Nate was too. She stopped the guy selling the chems in the lobby, looking through his stuff before getting a couple syringes of Med-X and going up to her room.  
She closed the door, peeling off her suit with a little groan, kicking it aside. She stood there in a sports bra and boyshorts, leaning back against the door, slumping down to the floor and looking at the chems. She could imagine Nick sitting in the chair, scowling at her as she jabbed one of the syringes into her thigh.  
She was starting to feel comfortably numb, head nice and swimmy and not focusing on the guys anymore. She looked down at her leg, poking where she'd stuck the needle in and frowned. There was a drop of blood and she smeared it over the pale scars. She looked at her legs with a sigh.  
  
_Is it any wonder Nick wanted to run away...you're fucking disgusting. Look at your scars. Look at your skin. Look at your fat. Nate only stayed with you because you got pregnant, he wanted to leave before that. And now you're here and you're so fucking useless you can't even find your own son._  
  
(No More (This Is The Last Time) - Depeche Mode)  
  
She frowned and choked back the cry, grabbing a boot and tossing it at the wall in anger and frustration, something clattering to the floor. Trying to think of how the hell she was supposed to go into the Glowing Sea, but her brain was fuzzy. Trying to remember when it got replaced with cotton balls.  
  
Doctor.  
  
Nick.  
  
Gone.  
  
Whisky.  
  
Nate.  
  
No...it wasn't Nate. The man just looked like Nate, but his teeth were bad and he didn't have the scars on his face, he dressed funny and he smelled like smoke. Audra scrunched up her nose trying to remember if the not Nate had said his name. She couldn't remember, she didn't think so because they just sat there all quiet and weird.  
She blinked slowly, frowning at the floor, eyes unfocused. She squinted to see what was there and it was the combat knife she usually kept tucked into her boot.  
It was the same one she'd used to cut the bullet out of her side. She'd kept it and cleaned it up and honed the edge till it was razor sharp. She picked it up and unsheathed it, staring at the blade.  
  
_You promised, you promised never again...but you didn't keep that promise after he died. Then you promised again...and now he's dead too...are you that fucking weak or are you just a fucking liar?_  
  
She'd never been able to explain it to them, never able to explain why never able to explain the rush after it. The distraction, the relief it provided.  
  
They were gone now, they were all gone. No more Boff, no Deuce, no Gov, no Pops...no Shaun...no Nick.  
  
_I'm sorry, baby...I'm trying...I just...it hurts so much. Just a little bit, I promise...just a little bit to distract myself, so the suit rubs against it and reminds me._  
  
She tried to tell herself that it was okay, that it didn't matter. She drew the blade against her thigh lightly, watching the delicate cut bead up lightly, the blade was incredibly sharp. However, between that and the fact that she'd taken that Med-X she couldn't feel her leg, frowning as she pushed her fingers over it, wanting the pain. She cut again three times, deeper than before and right over some of the old scars, bursting out crying when she couldn't even feel that.  
  
'I'm sorry, Aodh. I can't even fucking do this right.'  
  
(Litost - X Ambassadors)  
  
Audra dropped the knife on the floor, sobbing. Seeing the syringe sitting there...if she wasn't going to feel, at least she could be more numb. She felt the rush and she was so tired.  
  
_Maybe, just lay down and forget..._  
  
-  
  
He jerked awake when he first heard the clatter, nearly jumping up, forgetting that he was in the hotel room...his pistol was in his hand and he looked around before it came back. Grumbling and rolling his eyes as the crying started, lying back down.  
He was nearly asleep when he heard the whisper...  
  
'...Aodh...can't even fucking do this...'  
  
He frowned and jumped up, the sobs louder, he peeked through the broken wall in time to see her inject her leg and slump to the floor.  
  
'No, no, no, no....FUCK.'  
  
He ran around, fully prepared to kick the door in, but it was unlocked. He slammed it behind himself, dropping to the floor.  
  
_Reeking of booze, two empty Med-X syringes, knife, blood..shit, shit, shit._  
  
'Chunk, can you hear me...come on sweetheart, open your eyes.'  
  
She blinked at him once as he held her by the shoulders, eyes unfocused and speech slurred.  
  
'You're dead. Am I dead?'  
  
He lay her on her back, trying to find out where the blood was coming first. He ran his hands over her arms, not feeling any evidence that she'd slit her wrists when he saw the deep cuts on her leg. He scrambled over, grabbing her bag and digging through it, coming up with a stimpack and jamming it in her thigh. He watched as the flesh started to knit together, grabbing a tin of water and opening it, wetting a rag and wiping the blood off of her skin to make sure he didn't miss anything.  
His relief was short lived...she was clammy and cold under his touch, breathing slow and shallow and she was starting to turn slightly blue. He cupped her head, lifting her up and prying an eye open, swearing when he saw the constricted pupil. He didn't have anything to help her with this, he didn't know what to do, he started to panic before it came back to him. He picked her up, placing her on the bed and throwing her bedroll over her before he ran downstairs and out, hoping he wasn't covered in too much blood. Luckily he didn't have to run very far.  
Hancock was standing out on his balcony, having a cigarette, glancing over to see who was running.  
  
'John! Bag!'  
  
He didn't have to say anything else. The ghoul ran inside and was soon busting out the side door, following him to the Rexford, Fahrenheit not far behind. They blew past Clair and ran upstairs, heading to the room. He and Fahrenheit stood back as John dropped down next to the bed to assess her condition.  
  
'Do you know what she had?'  
  
'A shit ton of booze from the smell and there were two empty Med-X syringes on the floor. Some blood loss from cuts on her thigh had to give her a stimpack.'  
  
'Fuck, eight doses if they were full and a stim? Okay, Fahr help me get an IV going, we need to get her hydrated and dosed.'  
  
Fahrenheit helped get the fluids going while John set about mixing the concoction. He wasn't exactly sure what it was, but it was a combo of Addictol, Buffout, and what might be a little bit of Psycho...he wasn't sure and he didn't really care as long as she was able to breathe again. He sat on the couch, rubbing the back of his neck and watching.  
  
There were a few unspoken rules of Goodneighbor...if you got hurt, you could go to Doc Amari to get patched up. If you needed a place to crash, there were some mattresses in the attic of the Old State House or at the very least a roof. You never butt into someone's business...and if someone OD'd, you found John...  
The mayor had been around chems long enough that he'd tried everything and then some and you learn how to survive things or the drugs consume you. It wasn't long after Hancock had taken over as mayor that he started keeping a bag with all the things he might need handy. It had saved many lives over the years.  
  
_Please breathe..._  
  
It wasn't even the first time he'd found someone in this state at the Rexford, hell, he'd found the mayor's bodyguard in a similar state a few years back...that's how he had found out Fahrenheit's secret...but he never thought he'd have to see Audra like this.  
After getting the IV set up, the aforementioned young woman stepped out of the room and stood guard outside the door.  
John administered whatever he'd cooked up and sat back on his heels before dragging the chair next to the bed and watching her for a good 10-15 minutes before speaking.  
  
'She's going to need doses throughout the night, you can split if you want...'  
  
But he didn't, he couldn't yet, not until it was a little more certain that she'd be okay. Logically he knew that she should be fine, but she wasn't indestructible...just harder to kill. What if this was that one time that it was too much? Frowning and trying to think of what he could do...  
  
'You know her, don't you?'  
  
Hancock just stared him down as he sighed and looked down at his hands.  
  
'Is there anything you can tell me?'  
  
'She has to live. I have...I have something that will help, that I'll have to go get. I can't be here when she wakes up...but if I could sit and talk with her for a little bit I would feel better about leaving.'  
  
Hancock inclined his head and stood smoothly, heading to the door.  
  
'I'll be back in half an hour to change the bag and give her the next dose. If you need me, I'll be down at the bar, Fahr will stay out here.'  
  
'Thank you, John...'  
  
The ghoul just shut the door behind himself quietly and he moved from the couch to the chair. He held her hand gently, making sure not to move it too much because of the IV.  
  
(Falling Away From Me - Korn)  
  
'I can't bring myself to be mad at you, I get it. I've tried several times over the years...drugs, knives, even shot myself once...but it seems that is not in the cards for me......or for you. It was really rough for a long time there, maybe it was fate. Maybe I was meant to be here now...who knows? John will take care of you till you're good to go again. He's a decent sort if you stay on his good side...Fahrenheit is the cranky one, but you'll be able to get through to her, I think. I'm going to have to go for a bit, go get another of my stashes, but I'll be back.'  
  
He sighed, brushing the hair back from her face, she was still clammy but no longer blue. He began wondering what set her off, she'd survived coming out of the vault and everything else, why now?  
  
He opened the door, nodding at Fahrenheit before starting down the stairs, taking a seat next to the ghoul.  
  
'Did you hear anything that may or may not have happened to get her in such a state?'  
  
'They looked all happy on their way in, but apparently the lil lady and everyone's favorite detective left the Memory Den separately and they were both agitated. I'm guessing Nicky hightailed it back to Diamond City. Ham said he saw her heading downstairs alone and she apparently drank MacCready under the table, boy was passed the fuck out in the back. Hey...where ya heading?'  
  
'I'm going to go grab what I was talking about and have myself a conversation with Valentine.'  
  
John just nodded, 'You may want to change first. Might attract a lot of attention as you are now.'  
  
He looked down at his bloody shirt and raised a hand to his face.  
  
_Shit._  
  
He ran back upstairs, changing and gathering his things, taking one more look at Audra lying there so still. He went down giving Clair a few more caps and she nodded, clapping Hancock on the back, then he was out the door.

Valentine had some explaining to do.


	2. No Revenge So Complete

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hancock monitors Audra, keeping her in Goodneighbor for the time being. Audra sends word to Sanctuary with instructions for the next step to finding Shaun.  
> Audra surprises Hancock and Fahrenheit.  
> Hancock and Mac get to know Audra a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this one was not as rough as the last chapter. There's still mentions of suicidal behaviour, cutting, drug use, but it's not overly graphic. Mostly it's just Hancock, Fahrenheit, and MacCready getting to know Audra aka Quinn and what a little ball of strange she is.
> 
> Mods Referenced:  
> Goodneighbor Player Home

'To what do I owe the honor Mr Mayor? I'm guessing I royally fucked up at some point last night or you royally fucked me at some point last night since I'm in my undies...though that doesn't usually leave me needing an IV. If you're that fucking good than you better hop back in bed cause I can't remember and I think that would be something that should damn well be remembered.'  
  
Now John Hancock was not generally short on words, but damn if that wasn't the second time this woman left him speechless. It started as a laugh and ended with him coughing and choking and wheezing bad enough that Fahrenheit came into the room, weapon drawn, expecting him to have been stabbed or something.  
When she saw him curled up in the chair laughing and smacking his knee she just frowned at the woman, who was propping herself up on her arms, watching with an amused look on her face. The woman apparently wasn't satisfied with his bodyguards reaction and started winking and making kissy faces till Fahr stormed out red in the face, setting him off again.  
  
'God damn, sister. I don't think I've ever seen anyone get her worked up like that.'  
  
'It's a good look for her, but I've always been partial to gingers, so I'm biased. Ow...'  
  
He frowned as she rubbed her forehead, remembering the drink he was supposed to give her, standing and grabbing it off the dresser and handing it to her. He took the opportunity to take the IV out, wrapping a length of fabric around her arm tightly.  
  
'Okay...What.The.Fuck. Where the hell does the blue goo keep on coming from? Where did you get it?'  
  
(Novocaine for the Soul - Eels)  
  
'The doc that we had come take a look at you after we found you, he told me to give it to you.'  
  
She narrowed her eyes at him, but took the glass and started drinking.  
  
'You're lying. And if I needed a doc and you're monitoring me with an IV in my arm, I done fucked up.'  
  
He took the opportunity to watch her face while she tried to remember, it was an interesting contrast from how she looked while sleeping. He didn't know what she had dreamed, but she'd alternated between looking peaceful and frowning most the night. Now it was a confusing mismatch, she'd mostly kept an amused smirk on her face since she'd woken up and started speaking to him, but her eyes flashed with pain briefly.  
  
'You wound me, why would I lie to you?'  
  
He frowned as she stood up and looked herself over, then looked around the room with a sigh, blinking as she raised a leg onto the bed. His eyes instantly went to her legs and he was reminded of the fact that she most definitely was just in her undergarments.  
  
_And damn do they fit nicely....but she shouldn't be up yet._  
  
'Ahem...might want to adjust the flagpole, darlin. I'm just confirming what I started to remember. Did someone wipe me down and where is my knife? Who found me and how long have I been out? And you would lie to me if it suited you or if you were asked to.'  
  
He was confused a moment until she gestured towards his lap and he realized the flag he wore for a belt was flying a little higher after watching her, he sneered a bit at his traitorous body and stood, adjusting himself so it was hidden behind the sash. Frowning at her as she started dressing in that sinful suit she'd been wearing yesterday, before changing her mind and dropping it to the floor, bending over and rifling through a duffle bag. It took him a moment to come back to reality, busy staring at her nice juicy ass, when he saw her peeking over her shoulder and realized she was doing it intentionally.  
  
'Whoa, whoa, whoa and just what the hell do you think you're doing? You need to get back into bed and rest. Yes, you were wiped down. I currently have your knife AND pistol. The guy that was in the room next door found ya and you've been out about 12 hours, it's just about noon. But you need to rest a while longer, your lungs were sounding pretty fucked from all the Med-X you took. How the hell are you even up and moving and how do you not have the fucking hangover from hell? Damn it, woman.'  
  
He frowned even more, confused as to what the hell she was doing. She dressed in some pants and a t-shirt, boots on but not tied and she was squatting in front of the dresser, pulling a drawer out followed by a rifle in pieces.  
  
'Hey, hey, after the shit you pulled last night, I'm not feeling particularly inclined to let you have a weapon, sister.'  
  
She rolled her eyes and assembled the rifle, holding it out for him to take. She jammed the suit into her bag and pulled out a smaller bag with some caps in it and a notepad, leaning over the desk and writing out something.  
  
'One, not your sister otherwise your looks earlier would be very creepy. Two, I need to get up and send a message to Sanctuary so they can start on some work for me. Three, I have no clue but I feel fine, the blue goo is miraculous. Four, I generally only hurt myself and if I really wanted to hurt you, I wouldn't need the weapons. I had not intended on getting that fucked up, but it was a bad night. Five, you can call me Quinn, but I have to at least get the message out...then I suppose I can rest, okay?'  
  
Hancock scowled at the woman, not used to anyone but Fahr giving him lip so nonchalantly and irritated at her confidence in the idea that she could hurt him. He scoffed at it briefly but recalled how easily she'd laid Finn out and reconsidered. He didn't make it as far as he did underestimating people.  
  
_Damn, getting soft. Need to fucking remedy that._  
  
'Well aren't you just a fucking ray of sunshine. I'm aware of who you are, General, and it would be bad fucking business if you ended up dead in my town. And I would actually feel better if you were my guest at the State House, so I can keep an eye on you, but let's go find a Minuteman to deliver your message then.'  
  
He held the door open and she nodded, lacing her boots and gathering her bag, he hung onto her weapons and soon they were wandering out.  
  
'What? No, it can't... It... It's... it's YOU! From Sanctuary Hills, right!?'  
  
Hancock and Fahrenheit watched in surprise as the mysterious General apparently knew the old ghoul...from before the war...and proceeded to comfort him and offer a place in Sanctuary with her note in hand. She didn't acknowledge their raised eyebrows and wandered out, holding the man's hand as she went in search of some Minutemen. She didn't have to go very far, there was a small group of Minutemen shopping at KL-E-0's. She introduced the ghoul to one of the more capable looking ones and paid for their ammo before turning back to him.  
  
_Who the hell is this woman...wait...didn't that blab Piper put something out about that recently?_  
  
'Hancock, are there any places in town for sale?'  
  
'Daisy's got the place upstairs, been empty since the last asshole was killed. Would probably take some convincing though...'  
  
He rolled his eyes as she went next door, not even letting him finish, blinking as the other pre-war ghoul went maternal on the woman. Soon enough caps were exchanged and the General turned back to the Minutemen, telling them that they could bunk down there instead of having to pay for a room. The whole exchange took maybe 15 minutes and Daisy was waving her off, telling her to swing by and talk sometime.  
  
'Okay, business done...where we heading?'  
  
The trio made their way to the State House and John brought Quinn up, showing her around his floor. He turned handing her weapons off to one of the boys before standing next to her, the look on her face irritated him and he couldn't stop from snapping at her.  
  
'WHAT?'  
  
She arched an eyebrow, motioning to the room.  
  
'I'm staying here? There's not even a fucking bed, you would think the perks of being mayor would at least extend to that, not like you lack for fucking space.'  
  
For someone he found so delightful earlier, the fucking woman made his blood boil and Fahr started towards her, murder in her eyes. He calmed down slightly, not wanting things to get out of hand, moving to stop Fahr when all of a sudden Quinn was in motion. She pulled the knife from at his back before he could react and all he saw was Farhenheit going down, Quinn was kneeling down on her arms, gesturing with the knife. He started to raise his shotgun and her hand shot out, jerking it forward and out of his grip, tossing it under one of the couches.  
  
'Now, now sugar...just teaching your bodyguard here a lesson. I'm not going to actually kill either of you at the moment, but ya'll need to realise that I could if I really, really wanted to.'  
  
(Freaks - Timmy Trumpet and Savage)  
  
John couldn't stop the surge of desire seeing the woman move so smoothly and obviously in control at the moment, so he plopped down on the couch, waving a hand for her to continue as he popped a couple Mentats.  
  
_Yup, made a big goddamn mistake in underestimating this one._  
  
Fahrenheit went to struggle and Quinn just rocked her body forward, a knee scooting towards her head, keeping her pinned in place. She leaned down, jamming the knife into the floor, looking down into the other woman's face.  
  
'You look like you could do some damage and I'm sure you have, but you stand too heavy on your right leg. Bum left knee or hip? Doing that makes it too easy to knock you off balance, all I had to do was hook my foot behind your knee like that and timber. Try to distribute your weight more evenly between both legs, if you need me to show you, we can do that sometime and I can show you some exercises to help with any pain.'  
  
Quinn scooted back off Fahr's arms, reaching over and pulling the knife out, leaning down fully and licking the other woman's cheek before rolling away with a laugh. She hopped up and pointed the knife at Hancock and he couldn't help but grin, throwing his arms across the back of the couch.  
  
'Marry me?'  
  
Quinn snorted and Fahrenheit growled, glaring at him as she stood up, wiping her cheek. She moved around leaning down and collecting his shotgun before standing at his back, smacking him on the back of the head with one hand, knocking his hat forward.  
  
'Fucking really? I get taken down and you pop a fucking woody, goddamn useless scab. Next time I'll let you get killed old man.'  
  
Hancock just grinned as Quinn put his knife on the table in front of him and took a seat on the couch across from him, rubbing her inner thigh, mumbling something.  
  
'What was that, sunshine?'  
  
'I said, it's like riding a bike....remembering how to move, but I think I may have pulled a muscle. Been a while since I've done anything like that...212 years, give or take a little bit.'  
  
'I heard what you said to ole' Paulie, pretty fucked up what Vault-Tec did...is that why you were indulging last night?'  
  
He almost regretted asking when the pain flashed in her eyes again, but she just leant over, shrugging.  
  
'Partly...last night was mostly cause I got dumped. Feels like I'm in my very own noir story, getting dumped by the detective, left in a strange town, my child missing. I should have just left it at the whisky, but I decided I wanted to be numb for a little bit.'  
  
He frowned and leant forward.  
  
'Valentine dumped you? What the fuck is his problem, thought the guy finally got his head out of his ass and realised he could be happy. Wait...child missing?'  
  
'Yes...the big, bad bogeyman killed my husband and took my baby. So I'm on the hunt for the Institute...'  
  
He tossed a look over his shoulder to Fahr and she was just as stunned as he was, woman was nuts, but it took a certain kinda crazy to survive out here. That would also explain the presence of Deacon. He generally turned a blind eye to the Railroad's business, but damn if Quinn wasn't caught right up in it all.  
She shrugged again, picking one of the beers up off the table, he frowned at her but she went ahead and popped it open. After a few sips she looked up at him and she had that damn smirk back in place.  
  
'So, Hancock...anywhere around here to catch a poker game?'  
  
-  
  
She was in fucking pain, but she wasn't about to give them the satisfaction of knowing exactly how much if she could help it. After Hancock's little display yesterday and their attitudes today, she knew she had to prove herself in a fantastic fashion to go up in their estimation. The younger woman had stopped constantly sneering at her and Hancock had proposed, so she figured she was better off now, despite the pain.  
  
_Ah, the world we live in now...whoever has the biggest cojones or the most guns rules._  
  
Audra was surprised, but grateful when Hancock produced more biogel from somewhere, drinking it down. The goo lessened the pain in her inner thigh and she relaxed a bit. The way they'd described it, she'd been pretty bad off, but she didn't really feel all that bad. She was fucking stupid last night and she was still upset over Nicky...but she learned two things.  
Her guardian angel had Boff's eyes and voice and if he was the one that found her, then Hancock knew who he was and it was probably where he got the biogel. Now she just had to figure out how to get the information out of him.  
  
_I wonder if he's like the not-Nate...reincarnation? Synths? Ghosts? Super vivid dream from lack of oxygen before I die in that cryotube?_  
  
She'd also thought of a potential solution to her problem of needing to go into the Glowing Sea...the power armour she got from Concord. If Sturges could start getting it in good shape and they could get the seals all repaired, it should hold up to the radiation...hopefully. If that one wasn't in good enough shape, she still had a couple markers for suits she'd seen while out and about. Audra hated wearing them, she understood the benefit of the suits, but that was one of the few things he guys had never really trained her on. She'd had maybe a total of 10 hours in a suit, they had to sneak around to even get that. The suits were generally kept under lock and key and the fusion cores tracked. By the time the guys had left for Anchorage, all the suits had been shipped north, so she'd never gotten another chance.  
  
It was still a few hours before the game started and she was trying to build up the will to go clean up and change into something more appropriate. Hancock was talking about something or another, he constantly seemed to have Jet or a Mentat, so the conversations were entertaining but she just couldn't focus.  
  
_I miss you, Nicky..._  
  
She desperately wanted to curl up in a little ball and just snug into Nick's side, like she'd done so many times before but he wasn't here and she didn't know if he would be back. She wanted to confront him over what caused the sudden change but she also wanted him to come to her, she felt like she'd been the one making all the first moves. She must have sighed or something because Hancock was looking at her closely.  
  
'You okay there, sunshine?'  
  
'Just thinking about Nick. Hey, is there somewhere I can clean up, a bath or anything like that?'  
  
'There's a tub upstairs or one down in the cell or we can get a bucket of water for ya if you want to clean up.'  
  
Audra tried not to snicker when he mentioned the baths and Fahrenheit stood there behind him, shaking her head with an obviously disgusted look on her face.  
  
'A CLEAN bucket of water would be greatly appreciated. Jesus, Hancock...you need to hiring a fucking cleaning crew and someone to optimize the place. You have so much fucking wasted space it hurts me.'  
  
He got that irritated look, narrowing his eyes at her and she just batted her eyelashes at him, trying to appear as innocent as can be. He scoffed and took another hit of Jet, looking her over slowly, deliberately.  
  
'And what would you suggest?'  
  
'Permanently hire a cleaning crew - clean up all the fucking trash everywhere outside first and get rid of the fucking smell of piss everywhere. Build some compost toilets or something so people actually have a toilet to use instead of the side of the building. Once the outside is done, start cleaning and repairing the buildings. Set up a bunkhouse, a kitchen, a bathhouse...make some actual beds so people aren't sleeping on the ground outside and getting sick. Breakdown the crap that isn't being used like the display cases. You could have an actual bedroom, with a bed. There's room for bunks for the Watch. There's room to get couches and a pool table and places for them to chill. Shit like that would make this place somewhere people would actually want to be. When people like being at a place they stay, hang out, spend caps. Plus, it would just smell a whole hell of a lot better...'  
  
She could hear him mumble something about pre-war sensibilities but he looked thoughtful, so that was something. One of the guys from the Watch brought up a bucket and she thanked him, grabbing it and looking around.  
  
'So, is there a closet or something I can clean up in or should I just strip down here and let everyone watch me sponge off?'  
  
He looked like he was actually considering what it should be...or he was really, really high but Fahrenheit had enough sense to point her to one of the mostly empty old storerooms. Audra grabbed her bag and the bucket and went to clean up with a little bit of the soap she loved. After she rinsed her hair, she scrubbed the important bits with a little piece of cloth and rubbed her dry skin down with some of the balm she got at Bunker hill. It was cold, but she'd rather be a little cold and clean than stinky and warm. Then she changed into some clean undies, poking around in her bag, trying to figure out what would work best for the evening. She ended up settling on her short shorts and a Grognak t-shirt she'd had Ellie modify into a v-neck, yanking it down a bit till her cleavage was nice and visible. She put a little extra balm over her tattoo and pulled a sweatband over it, keeping it covered.  
  
_There, that should be sufficiently distracting._  
  
She smirked and wondered who was coming for the impromptu poker night Hancock organized and what they would think of her outfit. She got Hancock and Fahrenheit with her fighting earlier, now she had to clean up at cards, hopefully poker was still the same and they didn't have some crazy new rules or anything.  
She knew she'd chosen well when she stepped out of the closet, setting the bucket down, earning a whistle from one of the Watch. Wandering back into the main room and dropping her bag on the floor by the couch, stretching out on the couch with a little yawn, eyes fluttering closed.  
  
'Damn, sunshine.'  
  
She cracked an eye open, looking at the ghoul with an eyebrow raised, making a point of waiting for him to continue.  
  
'You smell...damn good...bathhouse...yeah...there's an idea.'  
  
She chuckled when she heard the smack of the body guard whacking the back of his head again and rolled over, mumbling something about a nap.  
  
-  
  
Audra was surprised that she actually napped but she jerked awake when she felt someone hovering over her, whipping out the switchblade she had tucked in her waistband.  
  
'Where the fuck did you get another knife? You should eat something before cards. Here.'  
  
She blinked as Fahrenheit held out a plate of what looked like Cram and BlamCo Mac and Cheese. She tucked the switchblade away again and took the plate.  
  
'Thank you and you didn't get all my weapons from my bag.'  
  
'Well, shit. Where did you learn to move like that, you been to the Combat Zone?'  
  
She looked around, noticing Hancock was no longer on his couch and the guys that had been stationed at the door were no longer there. She took a bite, then popped another beer before answering, looking up at the younger woman.  
  
_Damn, she must only be like 18 or so...hard to tell under the grime, but she's young._  
  
'I studied martial arts...uh, different fighting techniques, before the war. What's the Combat Zone?'  
  
'Raider joint. Has a big cage for fighting matches, can get pretty rough.'  
  
She didn't elaborate any further, so Audra ate some more of the food, settling back into the couch with her beer after setting the plate down.  
  
'How old are you?'  
  
The bodyguard frowned at her but after confirming that there was no one within earshot, she answered.  
  
'19...how old are you?'  
  
'Technically, 234...but I was 24 when they froze me.'  
  
'Damn. Well, if you're done, the guys are in the other room drinking and waiting for you to get started.'  
  
'Awesome, thanks, Fahrenheit.'  
  
She nodded awkwardly at Audra, obviously unused to interactions of this nature. Audra caught her looking at the scars on her legs as she stood. She added an extra sway to her step as she wandered to the other room and she could hear Fahrenheit chuckle behind her, so she held her middle finger up behind her back, making the woman laugh.  
  
There were five guys sitting around a table and they all turned to look at her as she entered.  
  
_Now this, this feels like home._  
  
(Poker Face - Lady Gaga)  
  
How many times had she gone and played poker with nothing but guys? More than she could remember. She sauntered over to her chair, which she noticed was right next to Hancock's and an older gentleman.  
Introductions were made - the older gentleman was Rufus. Then there was Hancock, of course. The not-Nate whose name turned out to be MacCready, looking a little worse for wear but giving her a smile. Then Mickey and Sully, a couple of the Watch boys.  
  
Audra pulled out all the tricks; playing with her hair, toying with the neck of her beer, leaning forward, patting Hancock's leg. MacCready blushed adorably every time she winked at him. Rufus just chuckled at her, obviously aware of what she was doing. Mickey and Sully were soon out, wandering off once they were out. MacCready didn't last much longer, but he hung around and partook in the beer Hancock graciously provided.  
Several hours later, Audra was wearing MacCready's hat and trading the decent pile of caps back and forth with Rufus at each hand. She had been wearing Hancock's hat for a bit, but he got irritated when he was finally taken out, stepping out onto the balcony. After a while, they called it and split the pot, the old man tipping his cap and giving her a kiss on the cheek before taking his leave.  
  
MacCready was a bit glassy eyed, but in good spirits, so they wandered over to the balcony to join Hancock. Smoking and talking about nothing for a little bit longer. Hancock was high on something, staring at her intently.  
  
'What, I got something on my face?'  
  
'You. You play dirty, beautiful. How the hell was I supposed to pay attention when you kept touching me?'  
  
MacCready snorted at Hancock, gesturing with his beer bottle.  
  
'You should be happy to be touched at all Mayor, with a face like yours.'  
  
'That's right. Like my face? I think it gives me a sexy, king of the zombies kinda look. Big hit with the ladies.'  
  
Audra chuckled at them, she missed stupid bullshitting and teasing like this, that's how it always was with the guys. It was obvious Hancock had a bit of a soft spot for Mac and just in general. She'd noticed that as the night went on, people wandered in and up to the attic, obviously crashing up there. That softened her up a bit. Things seemed to sway from irritation to flirtation between them and it was slightly exhausting.  
Mac was, quite frankly, an adorable dork. It was easier to look at him when she focused on the differences between him and Nate, but then he'd turn those fucking eyes on her. They shifted from powder blue to Carolina blue, depending on the light, and they were ridiculously expressive. Maybe she'd just gotten used to reading the subtle tells of Nick's face, but she felt like Mac just had no experience censoring his expressions.  
  
_Nick._  
  
She sighed and pulled off Mac's hat, dropping it on his head and wandering inside. Hancock directed him to the nearest couch and he was soon snoring away.  
Audra straightened up the table a bit, gathering the cards and putting all the beer bottles together. She could feel Hancock's eyes on her and she didn't know how to react at the moment, trying really hard not to fall back into the depression she'd been fighting off all day.  
She wandered back to the couch she'd claimed and flopped down, Hancock appearing with a blanket from somewhere and it was only slightly stale smelling.  
  
'Do you want to talk about it?'  
  
'Nah. Just missing my idiot toaster.'  
  
'He'll come around. Nicky isn't stupid and there has to be a damn good reason if he hurt you, it's not in him to be cruel.'  
  
Audra just nodded a little, drifting off to the little noises of Hancock sitting across from her - the creak of the couch, clearing his throat softly, random little grunts, the hiss of a Jet container.  
  
-  
  
If Hancock hadn't been there he might have kissed her. Maybe. Probably not...but he could at least imagine that he would. It was the second night of drinking with her and this one was a lot funner than the night before.  
  
She'd looked so alone he went and sat with her, he didn't know what the hel...heck he was doing, but then she offered him the glass and he figured why not. He sorta remembered the press of a soft body against his, next thing he knew, he was waking up on the couch in the VIP room thinking about asking Charlie to cut his head off with that blade arm of his.  
  
(Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand)  
  
Something had happened while he was passed out. After he woke up he went to his favorite hiding spot, behind the broken wall, above KL-E-0's where he could see everything below without anyone noticing him. He'd hide up there during the day till he got bored and wandered back to the Third Rail.  
She'd come wandering around the corner holding that one old ghouls hand and spent some time talking with the Minutemen there before leaving the guy with them. Hancock and Fahrenheit were both following her and they both looked irritated. John had his bag and that was usually not a good sign, but he just hung onto it, following Quinn around.  
  
_Quinn...Quinn...an interesting name._  
  
The only Quinn he ever knew was a ghoul dude that hung out in Underworld or wandered about, back when he was still living in the Capital Wasteland.  
  
After a while he went back down and to the bar, setting up in his usual spot, hoping to snag a job at some point. When Hancock came down, asking if he wanted to play some poker with the General of the Minutemen, he declined. He didn't have that kinda caps to throw around but John just tossed him a little bag of caps and told him to come along for the beer, so he did.  
He was dam...darn surprised to find out that the General of the Minutemen was the short little woman he'd been drinking with the night before. She wasn't like anyone he'd ever seen really. She was short and round...but like not in a bad way, definitely not in a bad way. He tried not to oogle the night before when she was wearing that darn suit that clung to her. Tonight it was worse, she was wearing these tiny shorts and a shirt that left her chest visible. It made him think of Magnolia or when Lucy had Duncan and they were all big. Quinn's boobs were like that, big and soft and he just wanted to bury his face in them.  
  
_Sorry, Luce...but they're...something else._  
  
He didn't do very good at poker, but Hancock had provided beer and he had a good view down Quinn's shirt as she played, so he stuck around. Plus, she kept winking at him, he wondered if he should make a move. They weren't alone at any point and all he really knew about her, other than the fact that she was the General, she could kill a sh...crap ton of whisky and still walk and she seemed to be pretty darn good at poker. He knew she was playing them, but he didn't mind, John was the only one that got cranky about it.  
  
So, he didn't end up doing anything. The were hanging out on the balcony when all of a sudden she looked all sad and gave him his hat back, wandering back inside.  
  
_She looked good in my hat. She looked good in Hancock's hat too, but it was just weird seeing him without it._  
  
Her hair was wild, it was all white, like whiter than most anything he'd ever seen but he figured she had to be somewhere around his age. Her skin looked so soft and he stopped himself a couple times from reaching out just to feel.  
  
He ended up sleeping for a bit, but woke when he heard something, looking around to make sure things were good. He always slept lightly and never for too long, short bursts...used to so many years out and about where things can get you. The balcony door was open slightly, that must have been what he heard so he got up and peeked out, seeing Hancock there. The ghoul motioned at him, so he stepped out on to the balcony, mostly closing the door behind them.  
  
'How ya doing kid?'  
  
'Good, poker was fun. Thanks, man.'  
  
He shrugged, trying to sound like it was no big deal, looking the ghoul up and down. He looked...drained.  
  
'How are you?  
  
'Aw, you know, the usual...can't sleep. Wanted a cig, but didn't want to wake Quinn.'  
  
'So like...what's her deal?'  
  
'Did you see Piper's article about the vaultie? I had to go find a copy earlier.'  
  
'I remember it, why?'  
  
Hancock handed him the paper and motioned back inside, understanding dawned on him.  
  
'No shit, really?'  
  
He was so surprised he didn't catch himself swearing as he opened up the paper and read through it again. It was nuts, it was like something straight out of Astoundingly Awesome Tales.  
  
'So like, how she'd end up here? I mean from what I've heard from the guys passing, the General has been all kinds of busy getting the Minutemen back up and running, why the hell would she hang around Goodneighbor?'  
  
He frowned a little, thinking of his stint as a Gunner. When he'd heard rumors about taking over Quincy, he decided that was it and hightailed out of there. Eventually, winding up here, flying solo. He'd get an occasional job, but it wasn't nearly enough and he worried about Duncan. He looked up when Hancock sighed and the ghoul looked even more tired.  
  
'Had to get the bag last night...for Quinn. She said it was an accident, but she didn't look like she cared too much one way or the other. Doesn't help that the Commonwealth's own synth detective is an idiot.'  
  
At Mac's confused look, John went on.  
  
'Quinn is...or was Nick Valentine's lady it seems. They fell out over something yesterday and I can tell it's eating her.'  
  
'You know, it's rude to gossip about people...you could always just ask...'  
  
They both jumped, Hancock nearly lighting his coat on fire as she wandered out, wrapped in a blanket. She plucked the cigarette from John's fingers and took a drag, they were both watching her and she leant back against the railing so she could see both of them.  
  
'What?'  
  
'You know, sunshine, a lot of people would have a problem sharing a cig with a ghoul...'  
  
She frowned like she was genuinely confused and Mac could practically see the hearts in Hancock's eyes.  
  
'And people have a fucking problem with Nick being a synth, but that doesn't make them right. Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. Aldous Huxley said that, I don't know if any of his stuff survived or how common it is. Nicholas is as human as they come, as are you Hancock, and Paulie, and Daisy, even KL-E-0 and Codsworth register a fair amount of sentience. The idea that they could not gain artificial consciousness is an extremely arrogant belief of man so they can keep using them as labor...what?'  
  
Mac was frowning now, trying to follow and Hancock just looked lost. She sounded like she was spouting some Railroad bull...crap ideals. Hancock popped a Mentat and Mac almost asked for one, just so he could keep up too.  
  
'Artificial consciousness?'  
  
'Yeah, like...okay, it would be like a big moral dilemma if bots and synths were to gain self-awareness...the ability to think and feel for themselves. Because if they can do that, then how is that any different from human slavery? Nick's kinda a unique case because he has the original Valentine's memories stuffed in his head...a detective from my time, that I'd kinda met before. And I haven't met another synth that I know of, but there were tons of books and research papers and stuff done theorizing about artificial consciousness/artificial intelligence. Look at it from this view point, the processor is the synths brain essentially and it behaves in a similar manner. The brain gathers data and processes it, so that the information can be used in different situations...right? How is that any different from a child learning? And feelings...humans do not have a monopoly on feelings, my pup Dogmeat has more feelings than some humans I've met.'  
  
'Fuck, sunshine. This is too heavy for me at three in the morning, but it certainly gives ya something to think about.'  
  
'Dogmeat? Huh, I knew someone that had a dog named Dogmeat before.'  
  
Mac nodded a little and couldn't stop the shiver as a gust of wind blew over them. Quinn held open the blanket and he just blinked.  
  
'Cold? Get under the blanket or go back inside, you've got no meat on your bones, either of you. It would not be surprising if either of you caught a chill. I'm going to have one more cig and then try sleep again.'  
  
He tentatively scooted over to her side and she wrapped the blanket around his shoulders, so soft and warm against his side. Hancock frowned and moved to her other side, cause he didn't want to miss out. So, the three of them stood there huddling under the one blanket, probably looking ridiculous as they passed a cigarette between them.  
  
'As to what you were discussing earlier, yes, I am Valentine's lady. And if that has changed and he no longer wants that, then I'll deal with it, but I'll always be here for him. And maybe at some point I'll find someone else that I love too, who knows...life is weird. Last night WAS an accident...but you were right...I didn't care if I lived or died. Still struggling with that right now, but I suffered from anxiety and depression before the war and I think the meds I used to be on finally wore off. There's nothing stopping my mind from running away with itself now...that's why I used to cut a lot, it reminds me I am actually here and not just lost in my head. I need to keep looking for my son, but it's so hard sometimes to believe that it will end well or even that any of this is real.'  
  
Hancock sighed and gave her a kinda sideways hug and MacCready looked down at her, grimacing. It made Duncan's illness so much scarier and real, imagining not having him like she didn't have her son.  
  
'Cutting?'  
  
She lifted her arm, she had some kind of band around it and she pulled it off revealing a tattoo, he held his breath as she grabbed his hand and started dragging his fingertips over her forearm. He was right, her skin was incredibly soft, but he could feel the raised ridges of scar tissue. He nearly groaned when she took his hand and pulled him down a little, rubbing it over her thigh. He was glad it was darker so his blush was somewhat hidden, but his surprise and initial flare of desire didn't last long.  
  
_So many._  
  
She let go of his hand and let Hancock feel, as well. It would have looked completely inappropriate to someone looking on, but neither of the men took her showing them her vulnerability lightly. It was like Hancock read his mind when he spoke up.  
  
'Ya know, sunshine, it's probably not a good idea to show your weakness to people like this. I'd like to think Mac and I are decent fellas for the most part, but most people won't be.'  
  
She smirked at Hancock and the confident woman from earlier was back, raising an eyebrow.  
  
'Yet somehow I've managed to get myself in a nice warm sandwich between two attractive, deadly men, who have been nothing but soft with me. And besides, after what you saw earlier, do you really think I couldn't handle myself? Showing that I'm human and vulnerable is not a weakness, if someone takes it that way, then it's their own damn fault for underestimating me. People who have survived trauma...rape, depression, death of a loved one, addiction, anything like that...those are strong people, because if they're in front of you, it means they're still fighting. Besides, do you know how easy it would be to toss both of you off the balcony right now?'  
  
Mac wondered what the hell he'd gotten into and Hancock just laughed at the look on his face. He was about to speak but motioned inside instead.  
  
'Don't need the whole neighbourhood to hear this.'  
  
They went back in and he sat down on the couch he'd been sleeping on, surprised when Quinn plopped down next to him. Hancock pulled a chair over, looking at Quinn before speaking again.  
  
'Don't underestimate this little lady Mac. She managed to disarm me, knife AND shotgun, and pin Fahr down before she could draw. If she really wanted to, she could have killed us before the boys could have gotten to her.'  
  
Quinn was just looking at the floor, almost detached like, and he looked her over again. This woman...this soft soft mungo managed to deal with two of the deadliest people he knew. His eyebrows shot up.  
  
'Can you shoot?'  
  
'Yes.'  
  
She didn't elaborate further and he didn't bother pressing, eyes going wide when suddenly her head was on his shoulder, looking at Hancock in surprise. He whispered back with a chuckle.  
  
'She's out.'  
  
Hancock stood, moving silently as only he could when he wanted to. He motioned for Mac to lift his arm and Quinn snuggled into it, he helped him adjust the blanket over her and moved the chair so Mac could prop his feet up.  
  
'Don't startle the lady, kid. Fahr said she pulled a blade from somewhere when she went to wake her up earlier.'  
  
Hancock wandered off to the main room, leaving Mac tense because of the deadly little ball currently curled against him. Eventually her soft breathing and warmth had him nodding off and he fell asleep with a woman under his arm for the first time since Lucy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Paulie = Vault-tec Rep
> 
> Okay, so in a lot of the different stories I've read, Mac is thin, shorter...just all around smaller. But I've always imagined him as lanky/gawky. I mean we're talking like 6'2", a late bloomer, had a growth spurt after getting to the Commonwealth. He still does well shooting and when still but might trip on some rubble while walking around or something like that.
> 
> And I alluded to a secret Fahrenheit had in the first chapter and kinda show the unique relationship she has with Hancock in this chapter, this is in reference to her wiki. The relationship marker has Fahrenheit set as Hancock's daughter. It's never mentioned in game, but I can just imagine teenage Hancock knocking his girlfriend up and finding out later after he's turned ghoul that he has a daughter.


	3. All the Distractions and Diversions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Audra heads to Sanctuary to check on things with John in tow.  
> Audra and Sturges decide to...enjoy their friendship in a slightly different way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I tried reining myself in, but this still ended up being fairly long. I just had a lot of fun writing the scene between Audra and Sturges.  
> A little bit of flirting and sweetness for Mac and Hancock, but pretty much just Sturges love and smut after Audra gets back to Sanctuary.

'Fucking really, Bobbi?' Hey, Fahr.'  
  
Audra rubbed her forehead in irritation, turning to the ghoul that got them into this mess.  
  
'Leave now Bobbi and you can leave with your life. Go, Mel, you're good.'  
  
They watched as the ghoul and man scampered off before turning to each other.  
  
'Don't really know how she thought she was going to get away with that, not like you guys were quiet down there.'  
  
'Man, I just wanted a nice easy job, make some extra caps waiting for Hancock to release me, now this shit. Ugh, I'm ready to head back to Sanctuary. I've been indulging him, but I have shit to do.'  
  
'Here. A token.'  
  
'Holy fuck, Fahr. No wonder your knees hurt, carrying this heavy shit around. I'm sure it has it's uses, but an assault rifle would probably serve you better. Let's go look and see what KL-E-0 has, I'll fix it up for you.'  
  
'Okay, we can look, but let's go pay our respects to the boss first and tell him what's up.'  
  
'Sounds like a plan...hey, Sully. How's it hanging?'  
  
'Good Miss Quinn, you planning on leaving us then? Boss ain't gonna be happy, he fancies you.'  
  
'Probably, I got some Minutemen stuff to take care of.'  
  
They left a guard at the warehouse in case Bobbi got any bright ideas and the trio hoofed it back to Goodneighbor. It was afternoon by the time they got back and Audra knew it'd be another night at the Old State House. At least she'd irritated John enough that he got a bed so they didn't have to sleep on the couches.  
  
Audra had been surprised to wake up all curled up with MacCready on the couch the one morning, both of them were achy and blushing after that. So Audra pestered Hancock till they drug the broken bed frame out and got a new one set up. John, Mac, and Fahr has been taking turns lying down with Audra at night. The nightmares had come back, stronger than ever, to the point that they had to make sure she didn't have anything that could be used as a weapon nearby...after she woke up with a knife to John's throat one evening. She'd been in Goodneighbor for a week and a half now, she hadn't planned on staying so long, but one of the nights Mac saw the fresh cuts on her leg and they wouldn't let her leave till they were satisfied she wasn't going to kill herself.  
Mac had tried to talk to her about it, to ask why, but she couldn't explain it in a way that made sense to him. They both just ended up irritated and glaring at each other. The depression was still there, but she didn't want to kill herself, she just wanted to find her son. She wanted to go home. She wanted Nick, but she doubted he'd come around yet, so she wanted hugs from her best friend. Audra was happy for her new friends though.  
She and John still butted heads like mad, but then they'd set each other off into giggle fits. Fahr warmed up considerably and Hancock told Audra that she was probably her first female friend and that made her day. Mac was odd...the first two days he was nice, but she wasn't sure if he got freaked out sleeping on the couch or if this was just how he actually was most the time, but he'd been a bit snarkier the last couple days.  
She honestly began to wonder if she gained some kinda magical power from cryo or if people were just that touch starved and missing human kindness that she filled some kind of void and that's why she got along with most everyone with ease.  
  
They found Hancock lounging at his desk, looking over some paperwork.  
  
'Bobbi has wandered off with a warning. If you knew what she was up to, why the hell did you let me go take the job this morning?'  
  
'One, because I wanted to see if you guys could do it, pull a job on me. That means I'm getting too comfortable. Two, Goodneighbor is about doing your own thing. Need to get out there and hone the razor. If I don't leave every once and a while, the power's gonna change me. Can't have that.'  
  
Audra pushed his legs off the desk and sat on his lap, arm draped around his shoulders, tipping his hat back.  
  
'Is this your way of telling me that you want to come with me John?'  
  
(My Type - Saint Motel)  
  
'Yeah. You might just be the right kind of trouble.'  
  
'Can you just leave Goodneighbor? Don't you have mayoral duties and stuff?'  
  
'Hey, the mayor's still the mayor, whether he's "in residence" or not. I've walked out of here plenty of times. Keeps me honest. Can't let power get to my head. That's not what being in charge of Goodneighbor is about. So what'd ya say?'  
  
'All right, Hancock. You're in. But we're gonna have to head out tomorrow morning, I need to go check in with Sturges.'  
  
'We can do that. Let me just have a little chat with my community, first. Give them the news.'  
  
'Might as well do it in a little bit cause I'm dragging your butt out of bed early in the morning. And I want to go down and have a beer with Mac or bring him up.'  
  
'Well, why don't you go grab him and bring him up and I'll go make my speech, okay, sunshine?'  
  
'Soon? I need to go get a new gun for Fahr first. Fucking minigun is not good for her knees.'  
  
'I can handle it, you know.'  
  
Fahrenheit glared at them as they obviously forgot they weren't the only ones in the room. Audra just grinned at her and Hancock looked like he would be blushing if he could.  
  
'Yeah and I could probably handle Marowski if I had to, doesn't mean I want to or should.'  
  
Fahr made a gagging face and Audra had the agree, man was a fucking sleaze. John and Mac didn't really understand, but they'd never fallen under his gaze. Didn't matter how young or old or what they looked like, Marowski always looked at a female like he was trying to figure out the best way he could damage her and it was disturbing. Audra was glad there weren't many young ones in Goodneighbor, if she caught him looking at one that way, she'd probably do something drastic.  
  
She slid off John's lap and went down to find a better weapon for Fahr, she was about to start heading to the bar when a little flash of something caught her eye, turning around and going back into KL-E-0's sneaking up the stairs quietly.  
It was odd, to see such a tall guy folded into a little ball. He was pressed against the broken wall at such an angle that he probably had a full view of the street below. Even if she hadn't seen his rifle before she would have been able to tell that he preferred the long shot just from this. He was so very still, she wouldn't have known that he was there if the light of the setting sun hadn't bounced off one of the bullets in his hat. She wondered why he kept them there.  
She must have made some kind of noise because his head whipped around and when he realized it was her, he flushed. Audra was actually proud of herself that it took that long for him to notice her, if he was as good as he bragged about, then it was a small feat for her to sneak up on him with how noisy she usually was. She'd been trying to work on it after Hancock had teased her about all the little noises she made.  
  
'Uh, hey. What's up, Quinn?'  
  
'Just admiring the view handsome, doesn't sitting like that kill your knees?'  
  
He snorted when she called him handsome, making her frown and then forget what she was thinking about as he unfolded and stood, grabbing his rifle and walking over.  
  
_He's so bloody fucking tall. Even taller than Nate._  
  
She always felt so damn little next to him and the thought of him picking her up and pinning her to the wall made her bite her lower lip, she realized he was standing right in front of her and had apparently been talking to her while she fantasized, zoning out with her eyes locked to the middle of his chest.  
  
'Earth to Quinn?'  
  
'Uhh...didn't hear what you said...'  
  
He had this infuriating smirk that made her want to do something scandalous so he didn't look so smug.  
  
'What's up? Saw you and Fahr come in.'  
  
'Bad job. Uh, I'm heading out in the morning, I have some Minutemen stuff to take care of and I need to check in with Sanctuary. John's tagging along, so I figured we'd have some dinner and beers before we take off in the morning. Care to join?'  
  
Mac was scowling at her, but nodded and moved past her to start down the stairs. She wasn't sure what part of that he was upset about, but she didn't like him looking so cranky, so she did the first thing that came to mind.  
He was a couple steps below her now so they were just about equal height and she grabbed his shoulder, spinning him around to face her. One of his eyebrows was raised in question and they both shot up in surprise as she leant in, the last thing she saw was his beautiful eyes before she closed hers.  
His lips were chapped and a little rough, his mouth hanging open in shock as she ran her tongue over his lower lip, wetting it before really kissing him. It started out relatively chaste, but soon he was leaning into it and she could feel his hand on her lower back, pulling her tight against him.  
  
'Mmmm...'  
  
She was making noises again and his tongue darted out, sliding against hers teasingly. He tasted like cigarettes and beer and something sweet. He was so lean and firm against her, she knew she had to stop or she would try and have her way with him on the stairs. She pulled back slowly and she grinned a little at his grunt of protest, she could feel the flush all over her face and chest as she let go of his scarf she'd managed to get a death grip on at some point.  
  
'Uh...we...we should head over...I hear Hancock giving his speech.'  
  
Her voice was a little throaty and breathless and he had that damn smirk back on his face, this time it was her turn to brush past, but she made sure to add a little extra sway to her step. She was pleased when she heard him grunt again behind her. Audra admitted to herself that she really wanted him, she could feel the wetness between her thighs as they made their way upstairs, waiting for John to finish.  
  
She knew John wanted her and she was attracted to him but they butted heads so much and she did not like essentially being marked as his by everyone without being consulted about it. But, she was still a guest in the Old State House till morning and she did not wish to be rude to John, he had saved her after all.  
John hadn't said anything about it, but she saw the way the Watch boys acted around her when he was around. She didn't know if that was his doing or if it was just out of respect for their boss, that was partly why she agreed to let him come, to see what he was like away from Goodneighbor.  
  
She wandered over to the balcony and handed the new weapon off to Fahr before they went to the couches and sat. She beamed when the younger woman looked happy with the new gun.  
  
_Man, what a fucking difference...I used to bring flowers or booze when visiting my friends...well, I guess they'd still like booze, but the flowers have been replaced with firepower._  
  
Mac looked at her questioningly when she started chuckling to herself and she just waved her hand a bit, turning a bit so she could lean back against his side. He draped his arm around her comfortably, like they'd known each other years instead of days.  
  
'I was thinking about how much things are different from before...buying my friends weapons and such. Speaking of which, can I see your rifle sometime and upgrade it? I was also thinking...'  
  
She broke off when John sauntered back in, taking a seat on the other end of the couch so her legs were draped over him. Fahrenheit plopped down on the couch across from them. Audra tilted her head back, smiling at Mac and then at John. She needed to go see if the power armour was ready so she could continue searching for Shaun but for now she would enjoy her friend's company.  
  
'Eloquent as always, Hancock.'  
  
Mac smirked at the ghoul while he toyed with one of the seams on her suit by her collarbone, Hancock was rubbing one of her calves, and she played with the band of Mac's leg pouch, sliding her finger under it teasingly.  
  
'So, people hungry, want a beer?'  
  
Neither of the guys answered, lost in their thoughts while playing.  
  
'Want to go downstairs and watch me make out with Magnolia?'  
  
They stilled and when she looked up from Mac's leg they were both staring at her. She smiled sweetly and hopped up, grabbing some beers from the cooler before flopping back down. Fahr jeered, looking at the two of them.  
  
'I think you broke their brains...'  
  
Mac mumbled something and she dropped her head back onto his chest so she could see his face.  
  
'What was that?'  
  
He cleared his throat and chuckled a little, biting his lip on the side, flushing.  
  
'Said that would be so much boobies...'  
  
Hancock started cracking up, nearly choking on his beer and even Fahrenheit snickered. Audra kept her head back and smirked at Mac, once those baby blues were locked on her eyes she reached up, sliding the zipper of her suit down teasingly. She was still completely covered and you couldn't even see a hint of cleavage but she was thrilled by the flash of desire in his eyes. Hancock had gone still again and Fahrenheit coughed.  
  
'Oh dear god, if this is gonna devolve into a threesome, I'm out of here.'  
  
Audra slid the zipper down just a little bit more, enough to make Mac's breath hitch, then she jumped up with an evil look.  
  
'I'm hungry, I'm gonna go get some food. Wait here, I'll be right back.'  
  
Mac groaned and shifted where he was sitting and Hancock squirmed, as well.  
  
'Man, sunshine, that's just cruel.'  
  
She just winked at them and flounced downstairs and out. Daisy had mentioned she would be making some stuff, so she ran over, grabbing the boxes of food she'd prepared. Taking a moment to talk with her, letting her know what was up and that they'd be heading out in the morning.  
  
'Well you be careful, sunshine, don't let John get too rowdy.'  
  
'I promise. Thank you so much!'  
  
She gave Daisy a kiss on the cheek, making her chuckle as she waved her off. Audra ran back, heading inside, rolling her eyes when Sully made a joke about women in the kitchen.  
  
'You're lucky my hands are full or I'd smack you for being a sexist arse, Sully.'  
  
'I'd be okay if you smacked me on the ass, sunshine.'  
  
Somehow in the past week, people had started picking up on John calling her sunshine, now most the Watch and several others called her it too. She got back upstairs and they'd popped some more beers and John had gotten into his stash of Jet. Audra sat back down on the couch and started pulling stuff out, setting the containers on the table. Fahr looked at the boxes curiously.  
  
'What's all this?'  
  
'Squirrel burgers on razorgrain bread and fried tatos.'  
  
'Damn, sunshine, where'd ya get all that?'  
  
'Daisy made it, cause she loves me.'  
  
She stuck her tongue out at him and started handing the food out. Mac dug in eagerly, she and Fahr ate theirs a bit slower, and John picked at his before deciding it was okay and eating some. John and Fahr talked about plans while they all ate, Audra had pestered him enough that he was going to have Fahr hire a clean up crew for the Old State House and they would be the trial run before trying to clean up everywhere. Mac finished first and then polished off the remainder of Audra and Hancock's food. She started poking his side playfully.  
  
'Where does it all go? It's not fair, I get fat if I stare at food too long and you just essentially ate two meals.'  
  
He shrugged with a smirk and took her hand, grabbing a couple beers and pulling her out to the balcony while John and Fahr finished talking shop. Audra looked up at him curiously, he had leant against the railing, but was still holding her hand.  
  
'You gonna be okay out there? Feeling better?'  
  
She gave him a little smile, squeezing his hand.  
  
'I'll survive, I somehow always do.'  
  
She started to let go and turn away but he held tight, pulling her back, she was surprised and fell against him. He flushed but looked down at her seriously.  
  
'That's not what I asked...are you gonna be okay? I know depression like that can be hard.'  
  
'I don't know Mac...I want to say yes, but I don't want to lie to you. I have to find my son or at least find out what happened to him.'  
  
Audra wondered if he was going to kiss her, but Hancock chose that moment to walk out and Mac dropped her hand, his face flushing again.  
  
'Hey, I'll take care of Quinn, no worries man.'  
  
She took her beer from Mac and lit a cig. The three of them smoked and drank beer until well after it was dark, eventually deciding they'd better lie down. Mac tried to take the couch, but at their protests, joined them on the bed. She was sandwiched between them and actually felt safe as she fell asleep.  
  
She didn't have any nightmares that night.  
  
-  
  
'You know, after waking up sandwiched between two handsome men, I really thought this day was gonna be a lot better.'  
  
Half of her face and her left arm were spotted with second degree burns, she felt like she was gonna barf from the rads, and she was going to have to get a new leather jacket and Grognak t-shirt. They were currently pinned down against the side of a train car, trading fire with the Super Mutants that had caught them by surprise. She'd taken care of the suicider that had started towards them, but had gotten knocked over when a flaming Super Mutant torso went flying and landed on top of her.  
  
(Bad Company - Five Finger Death Punch)  
  
She woke up early to the alarm she'd set on her pip-boy. She had an arm and leg draped over MacCready, his face was buried in her hair and John was trying to be big spoon, curling around her butt. The guys were irritated and reluctant to wake up and she was almost tempted to go back to sleep when Mac wrapped his arms around her, but she eventually got them out of bed and got everything together.  
She told Mac to check in with the Minutemen staying at the apartment she'd bought if he needed work, telling him to just drop her name and he gave her a kiss on the cheek before leaving them at the door. Fahr came out and gave Hancock a smack on the shoulder and hug for Audra, making the guy from the Watch guarding the door stare in surprise. Audra also ran over and gave Daisy a hug and they were off.  
  
They were making good time and had made it to the railroad tracks heading north when they ran into the travelling Super Mutants, they were able to save the captive they'd taken and after a brief firefight, took the girl with them to Oberland Station. Audra wanted to rush on but the sisters made her stop and change her singed shirt and jacket, take a couple stims and eat some food before they let them get away. She was extremely happy with how well the settlement was doing, since the last time she'd been there, they'd gotten a much larger bunkhouse built and even had a deck with a stand selling some beer and food. They also had plans to get a little market going with several different stands, since they were along one of the main trading routes.  
  
The rest of the trip was relatively uneventful and she was so happy to see the gates of Sanctuary. After greeting the guards, making introductions and taking a moment to love on Dogmeat they made for the offices, surprising Preston.  
  
'General! You're a sight for sore eyes, how are you doing? Where's Nick?'  
  
She must have made some kind of face at the mention of Nick's name, because Preston asked to talk to her in private. So she gave John a kiss on the cheek and sent him along with one of the Minutemen, telling him to go and relax, get settled and that she'd find him in the morning. Sturges must have heard that she was back, because he came running up to her office and scooped her into a bear hug before she had a chance to start talking. They ended up on the couch in her office, drinking some whisky and listening to Audra until it was really late.  
She told them everything that had happened and felt so guilty when she saw the looks on their faces after telling them about the Med-X. Sturges just scooped her up, holding her on his lap as she cried. After she finished, Preston gave her a really brief update, saying that they could go over things later, and Sturges told her that he was almost done with the power armour. She was so happy she planted a giant kiss on him and leaned over, hugging Preston.  
  
'I missed you guys. The runners are nice, but it's not the same as being able to talk with you guys.'  
  
'Well, Quinn, I have some good news regarding that. We don't have the Castle yet, but one of the patrols found some radios at an old police station and they seem to be in working order. If we can get some of the relay towers running, we should theoretically have radio communication as long as you're within range of the towers. It won't be a secure channel or anything like that, but its progress.'  
  
That earned Sturges another big kiss and Preston laughed, saying that he was heading to bed, wandering off to the bunkhouse. She sighed, sliding off Sturges' lap, figuring she should lie down even though she was not particularly sleepy.  
  
'Stay with me?'  
  
'Pfft, of course, like you have to ask. I'll be honest darlin, I've used your bed several times while you were out when I needed to get away from people.'  
  
'That's fine hon, you can stay there all the time if you want, it's not like I'm going to be getting any anytime soon and I'm away more than I'm here lately. That reminds me, if you want to take a day off from the armour tomorrow we could grab a couple guys and go clean up Red Rocket for you. I know you wanted the garage, just have to make sure to get a bed big enough for both of us so I can run away with you if I need to.'  
  
She was about to start heading for the stairs when Sturges grabbed her hips, pulling her so she was standing between his legs, wrapping his arms around her waist and hugging tight.  
  
'Getting the station set up would be great, but are you okay...really?'  
  
'Nick...'  
  
'Nick is an idiot if he chose to walk away from you without a good reason. How are you feeling though?'  
  
'I don't know, it's like I have no fucking control of how I feel some days...I'm hurt, I'm angry, I'm horny, I'm annoyed, I'm happy, I'm tired...I never know how I'm going to be doing from one minute to the next. I really didn't try to deliberately kill myself, I just wanted to be numb. Just like when I cut my thighs, I just want some kind of feeling that I can control.'  
  
Sturges sat back on the couch, looking at her thighs with a concerned frown, running his thumb over the newer pink scars. She'd had to wear her shorts because everything she had was dirty at this point and they were the cleanest of her bottoms. He kept tracing the scars and she shivered, his hand stilled and he blushed a bit as he realized he was stroking her legs.  
  
'Sorry, sorry...'  
  
'Heh, it's all good. That was a good shiver, but unless we plan on doing something in bed besides sleeping you might need to move your hand away.'  
  
That earned a surprised look, but he didn't move his hand.  
  
'And if I was okay with doing more than just sleeping?'  
  
Audra couldn't stop the blush and it was her turn to look at him in surprise. At his raised eyebrow she tentatively grabbed his hair, gently tilting his head back to look at her fully.  
  
'I would be happy to do that, but only if you were sure. I've already told you what my relationship before was like. You're my best friend and I don't want to ruin that....plus, I would need a shower, I stink.'  
  
She laughed and he stood, hugging her to his chest this time. He leant down a little, so his voice was just a rumble against her ear, making her shiver again.  
  
'You're my best friend too, but you're also a gorgeous woman and damned if I don't like waking up pressed all against you. I bet you squirm so pretty.'  
  
Audra blushed brightly and suddenly she felt weak in the knees, clinging to his overalls with an embarrassed laugh, she'd never heard him like that before. The tips of his ears were red, but he grinned at her.  
  
'You okay there, darlin?'  
  
'Mmmmm I like the growly voice, do it again!'  
  
He laughed, kissing the tip of her nose before shaking his head a little, 'I should probably let you go take your shower, otherwise I'm gonna be tempted to bend you over your desk and I don't know if I'd be able to look Preston in the face after that.'  
  
They both paused a moment, obviously thinking about that before bursting out laughing. They went to the house and she gathered some clothes, running off to the bathhouse. It was late, so she didn't have to worry about anyone in there. Audra reaaaaaaaally wanted a bath but if she got in, she'd probably fall asleep right there then everyone would worry that she was trying to drown herself. So, she went for the shower instead.  
  
She moaned happily when the hot water hit her shoulders and started singing quietly to herself.  
  
(Make It Wit Chu - Queens of the Stone Age)  
  
_You wanna know if I know why  
I can't say that I do  
Don't understand the you or I  
Or how one becomes two  
I just can't recall what started it off  
Or how to begin again  
I ain't here to break ya  
Just see how far it will bend  
Again and again, again and again_  
  
She rubbed herself down with her lovely soap. She was thinking about how she was going to have to start insisting there be showers at all the settlements, she just hated being grubby.  
  
_I wanna make it  
I wanna make it wit' chu  
Anytime, anywhere  
I wanna make it  
(Again and again)  
I wanna make it wit' chu_  
  
She started washing her hair, dancing a little in place, she had her eyes closed against the soap and tensed when she heard the door that she knew she had locked.  
  
'Hello? Who's there?'  
  
She started to get into a fighting stance, but relaxed when she heard the laugh.  
  
'Sorry, didn't mean you scare you darlin, I just couldn't resist and I could probably use a shower too.'  
  
She started rinsing her hair and stuck her tongue out at him.  
  
'You know I could have hurt you.'  
  
'Yeah, but it would have been worth it. Now, what was that you were singing before?'  
  
Suddenly Audra was being pulled against Sturges' stocky, hard, nicely muscled body. He was very naked and very happy to see her, and he had that fucking sexy growling voice again.  
  
'I wanna make it with you, I believe is what I heard...sounds good to me, Quinn.'  
  
She laughed and squirmed against him, finishing rinsing her hair before grabbing the soap and starting to rub him down. He arched an eyebrow as she washed him, flicking one of her nipple rings with a finger nail, making her voice unsteady as she spoke.  
  
'If we're going to do this, then we're going to do it right and you're going to be moaning my proper name. My full name is Audra Nora Quinlan Roberts.'  
  
'Lots of names for a little lady. Audra huh...never heard that one before, whats it mean? I'm just Sturges, nothing fancy. MMmmm....Audra...yeah, I like that....ohh, please keep rubbing right there.'  
  
'Ha, I haven't even touched the good parts yet, remind me to give you a massage some time. My ma always said Audra meant strength...but dad liked the Lithuanian translation, which meant storm.'  
  
'Lithua-wha?'  
  
'Lithuania, a country in Europe...or well, used to be...'  
  
'Hey, no thinking about before, no thinking about assholes, tonight I want to make you happy and distracted.'  
  
'Hey, pertinent question...do we need to go hunt down some condoms or something? Is there STD testing still, stuff like that? I mean, I trust you, but this is kinda a big thing. Didn't exactly have to worry about that with Nick...'  
  
Sturges laughed awkwardly and nodded his head.  
  
'It's still a thing. Doc Weathers usually has some of those condom things he gets from those Brotherhood guys. We can if it would make you feel better, but I haven't been with anyone in a good while and the doc gave me the all clear last time I got checked over. Do you want me to go find some so we don't have to worry?'  
  
She thought about it seriously and shrugged.  
  
'I like without, but that hinges on you trusting me too.'  
  
'I trust you, but what about the potential for lil ones?'  
  
She took his hand and rubbed it over the inside of her arm so he could feel the little rod underneath the skin.  
  
'Pre-war birth control, got it put in after having Shaun, should be good for another few years.'  
  
They both looked at each other seriously and kissed softly, okay with putting their trust in each other's hands.  
  
She traded spots with him so he could rinse off and the next thing she knew, she was being pressed up against the wall and thoroughly kissed. Audra couldn't stop the soft moan, squirming against him, he was so nice and hard against her stomach.  
  
'MMmmm here or bed?'  
  
'Both. Oh, damn...'  
  
She grinned up at him wickedly as she squatted down, he was average length but very thick and she wasn't sure how much she would be able to take, but damn if she wasn't going to try. She wrapped both hands around his shaft and just started with licking and teasing the head. Audra held him in her mouth and hummed appreciatively, letting go with one hand, moving the other in time with her mouth. She was about to try take more when he yelped, yanking away and she fell back on her ass, shrieking.  
  
'Oh, Jesus, fuck...turn it offffffffffff...'  
  
He smacked the water off and then looked at her down on the ground and they both bust out laughing, even as they shivered. Apparently, they'd been in the shower long enough to use up the hot water. He helped her up, giving her a kiss on the nose and started rubbing her down with a towel.  
  
'I think that means we need to move to a more comfortable location...oh...'  
  
'General? We heard some screaming, is everything all right?'  
  
She wrapped a towel around her as best she could, moving Sturges out of the way, cracking the door so just her head was visible.  
  
'Yeah, sorry, apparently I used up all the hot water and got doused with cold. It shocked me, I didn't mean to scream, sorry...'  
  
'Oh...uh, okay. Sorry for bothering you, ma'am.'  
  
Audra closed the door and smacked the hands that had been cupping and rubbing her ass the whole time she was trying to talk to the Minuteman, pointing a finger at the snickering mechanic.  
  
'That was not nice, I have to try and retain some kind of semblance of dignity because of my position, get dressed.'  
  
He just laughed and pulled her back against him, kissing deeply.  
  
'Don't have to worry about that too much General, pretty sure half the town will hear you by the end of the night.'  
  
She raised an eyebrow, lips twitching with the effort not to grin. She wrapped the towel around her hair and pulled on her sweats and tank top, not even bothering with the underwear.  
  
'Confident are we? You may be right...I'll probably be moaning and whimpering and begging as you fill me with that nice...thick...cock...I can just imagine how it's going to look, splitting me, filling me completely.'  
  
She couldn't stop the smirk she had, he'd softened a bit because of the cold water, but surged back to life listening to her. His breathing was heavy and the tips of his ears were red, looking at her with such intensity that she shivered.  
  
'Bed. Now. Please.'  
  
He grabbed her hand and started dragging her out, pausing only to let her grab their stuff from the shower room, not even caring that he was just in his boxers. The patrolling Minuteman certainly was surprised when the two of them came bursting out of the bathhouse and there was probably no question that he knew what they were up to as Sturges drug her back to the house with a determined glint in his eyes and his boxers hiding little. Dogmeat came running as they approached the house and Sturges just snapped at him to go to his bed, the dog giving an indignant huff but complying. Once they were in the bedroom he grabbed the stuff out of her arms and tossed them on the floor.  
Audra was being scooped up in strong arms and pressed back against the closed door, Sturges' hands on her ass as she wrapped her legs around him, she was high enough that they were face to face and kissing sloppily.  
  
'Best...friend...ever...'  
  
He snickered at her, fisting a hand in her hair, yanking her head to the side and biting at her neck firmly, grinding against her. She couldn't stop the small whimpers and shuddering breaths, her own hands tangling in his hair, it was soft and fluffy without the product styling it into it's usual pompadour. She could feel her sweatpants beginning to get uncomfortably wet from the grinding and her own excitement.  
  
'Fuck, Sturges....please?'  
  
The plea was a soft whine and he shuddered against her, shifting her so that he was supporting her with one arm, cupping her face and tilting it to him so he could kiss deeply. She was distracted by his tongue when she realized he'd moved his hand and was pushing at her sweats, she unwrapped her legs, dangling against him as they worked to get the pants off. Once they were down he was pulling her back up into his one arm and she could feel his hand between their bodies, she nearly yelped when she felt one of his thick fingers brushing against her clit, already sensitive from their grinding.  
He kissed her again, smothering her scream as he slid his finger inside her and started working it in and out.  
  
'Jesus...fuck...fuck me, Sturges?'  
  
'Mmmm gotta get you ready, don't wanna hurt you.'  
  
He was biting at her neck again as he slid a second finger in her, grunting as she clenched down on his fingers. After she relaxed a little, he started pumping his hand against her harder. He was biting her shoulder now and she knew she was going to be covered in bruises by tomorrow, she let out a ragged groan as he started scissoring the two fingers, stretching her for him. Audra was going to go crazy soon and she leaned her shoulders back against the door and thrust her hips against him hard.  
  
'God damn, darling.'  
  
'Now, please, now...I can take it.'  
  
He let out a low groan and then growled, pushing his boxers down, both hands moving to her hips and holding her there as he lined up. He looked deep into her eyes and leaned in, kissing the tip of her nose as he started pushing into her.  
  
_Ohhhh holy fucking mother of god he's thick._  
  
She was glad he insisted on warming her up a little, even though she was soaked he was still having to take it slow and work it in her, they were both panting like they'd been running a marathon by the time he was fully seated in her.  
Audra started mumbling incoherently about how good he felt as he started thrusting, still taking it gently till she bucked against him again, making their bodies meet with a hard slap.  
  
'Fuck, Audra...is that what you want, you want me to fuck you hard? You ready babe?'  
  
She nodded and he took her at her word like he always did, her wonderful best friend and started driving into her hard, the door rattling with his thrusts. Her nails were digging into his shoulders, she was so fucking full it hurt just a little, but it was a hurt that was so so good. He gasped when she started tightening around him, his hips losing a bit of their rhythm. Letting go of one side, he started rubbing at her clit again, laughing a little breathlessly as she whimpered.  
  
'Cum for me darling. Mmmm come on Audra, I want you clamped down on me and dripping. Gimme those sweet sounds.'  
  
Audra couldn't resist this new amazing voice of his, teasing her and she was moaning and gasping as she came around him hard, calling his name. She blinked, realizing her eyes had closed at some point during her orgasm and he was just standing still, looking at her.  
  
'Legs getting weak...wrap your arms around my neck.'  
  
She kissed him tenderly as she wrapped her arms around him, tightening her legs as his hands moved back to her bottom. He turned, moving slowly, trying to keep their connection as he inched towards the bed. After a few moments they were close enough and he leaned forward, dropping her to the bed with him on top. Moving his arms to support his weight, but not before she pulled him down for another kiss.  
Sturges smiled down at her as he started working his hips, eyes closing as he groaned, hips working hard. After a few minutes of that he leant back, scooting so that he was standing at the side of the bed, groaning at the loss of contact and yanking her back to him. He looked down, watching as he entered her, giving a few slow thrusts.  
  
'Damn that looks so good. You look so good on me...MMmm, I was right, you squirm so pretty.'  
  
She laughed a little at his smug look and bucked against him, reaching up to play with her nipples, groaning as he started pounding hard again.  
  
'Oh god, so close Sturges...more...fuck...please?'  
  
'Where...where do you want...?'  
  
She couldn't answer, she couldn't form words so she just wrapped her legs around him, pulling him to her tight. The tips of his ears went red again and he groaned, his big hands holding onto her hips as he let go. She could feel the warmth spreading inside her and she whimpered, it'd been so long since she'd felt that and it felt so good.  
Audra realized she was biting her lip hard and there was the faint taste of blood, letting it go with a soft sigh as Sturges picked her up, pushing her up so he could get on the bed, lying down next to her and gathering her against his chest.  
  
'Aw darling, what'd you do there?'  
  
She blinked at him as he ran his thumb over her lip and kissed her tenderly.  
  
'I'm sorry, was it too hard?'  
  
She shook her head, trying to make her voice work, but it just came out all soft and mewling.  
  
'Fuck no, feel so good...let's never leave bed...'  
  
She grinned up at him sleepily as he laughed heartily, kissing the top of her head, and soon they were drifting off.  
  
They woke twice in the night, rolling to each other again. The second time was gentle and slow, their muscles protesting, but still wanting more. He was still filling her as he rolled them to their sides and they passed out as the first licks of light came over the horizon.


	4. Toil Without Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Audra and Hancock get the final stuff needed for her power armour and make their way into the Glowing Sea.  
> After speaking with Virgil, they encounter a problem on the way back and the guardian angel is forced to swoop in again.

(Heart Killer - Gossling)  
  
_I am known as a killer  
A heart killer  
I'll have it, so you don't know  
I'm nothing but a mean foe  
I'm gonna be your partner  
Your love partner  
You're gonna take it real slow  
I'll make sure that you let go  
I'm making you feel good  
Like you should  
You won't see this coming  
Your heartbeat I'll be drumming  
Make you want me always  
Put you in love daze  
Treat you like my baby  
You'll be saying save me_  
  
'Do you always sing so much, sunshine?'  
  
'Toil without song is like a weary journey without an end.'  
  
'Is that another one of your pre-war sayings?'  
  
'H.P. Lovecraft...I think you would probably enjoy reading him if we ever find one of his books, but not high...that would fuck with your brain.'  
  
John watched her as they lapsed back into silence, with her eventually singing again, making him grin as she wiggled to the music.  
He'd teased her about being so noisy before and it was true, but once again he'd underestimated her.  
  
_I'm about to the point where someone could tell me rainbows came out of her ass and I'd probably believe it. It is a magnificent ass._  
  
They'd spent a few days at her place, Sanctuary, cleaning up the nearby Red Rocket and giving her a chance to work on some Minuteman stuff with Garvey. It was the man they'd cleaned up Red Rocket for, the man they were currently running around getting stuff for that had made him somewhat irritated.  
  
He was man enough to cop up to his feelings...usually, like the jealousy that had been eating at him recently. He'd felt it when he saw the way Quinn had looked at the kid out on the balcony, then the noises everyone had heard coming from her house, and when she stumbled out of her house the next morning - hair mussed, covered in bites, and very obviously well fucked from how she was walking.  
  
He'd tried remaining neutral and friendly out of respect for Valentine, but fell under her spell in the time she'd been in Goodneighbor. Hell, everyone had.  
He was happy that she'd found a friend in Fahr, he could never tell her how much he worried about her. They'd agreed to never speak of their relationship, for fear that someone would use it against him, but she was his daughter for Christ's sake. Most people though she was his main squeeze and they never confirmed or denied any of the rumors.  
Quinn had shown her some moves and got a new weapon for her, he felt better knowing she was getting better training and equipment. He'd done what he could toughening her up when she'd shown up in Goodneighbor after he'd become mayor, but Quinn...Quinn was something else.  
  
She was little, so she had to move differently from how he knew. He wasn't huge, so he wouldn't be able to fight like the burly Sturges or Garvey might, but he wasn't as tiny as her. He relied on speed and being a bastard, beating the other person to the punch. She was words and speed and surprise stuffed in a nice curvy package. Mickey had made some smartass remark to her one of the days, so she told him to come at her. Next thing they knew he was flying through the air landing flat on his ass and she was just standing there casual as can be. Mickey wasn't particularly hurt, but his pride was wounded after being taken out by the soft little one.  
  
But that was where he'd underestimated her again, thinking he'd figured her out.  
  
They'd gone to the old Corvega factory to get some rubber seal stuff that Sturges needed to finish Quinn's power armour for whatever the hell she needed it for, she'd mentioned clearing out the factory before, but raiders were like radroaches and always turned back up in places like that. They'd approached from the back and she took him the way he assumed she'd come before, since she moved with such ease. She'd been talking and whimpering and whining about being sore and just generally being noisy the whole way there, but as soon as they were in range of the building she'd gone silent and got the look of a killer in her eye. They were crouched down by a truck and she pulled her rifle out, leaning around the end of it, taking out three of the raiders rapidly.  
  
_Damn...I think she might be better than the kid._  
  
He couldn't help the surge of desire he got every time she did something like that, it was just so ridiculously hot, he couldn't help it. Soon enough they had what they came for and were making their way back to Sanctuary. And John came to the conclusion that he would not underestimate her...again. She could play the distraction game, she could fight up close, and now he'd seen that she could be stealthy and shoot at a distance...overall, one hell of a fucking package. But it wasn't just that, she wasn't just deadly, it was because she'd turn around and get him laughing harder then he ever did before or curl up in a little ball and snuggle damn near everyone with a soft sweet look in her eyes. When she talked with the settlers, she actually cared about their problems, and he remembered what she'd said about weakness before.  
  
_Maybe she's on to something...what have I accomplished while being mayor compared to what she's done?_  
  
Now that they were walking again, she was back to making her noises and he chuckled at her.  
  
'I wonder if Sturges could get a bike working for me, so I could ride around...or horses...are there horses still?'  
  
'Not that I know of, sunshine...maybe you could get a radstag? I saw one trader that had one instead of a brahmin, said he'd found it when it was a baby and raised it. But if you want something to ride honey, I got something for you right here.'  
  
(Pony - Far)  
  
She gave him that wicked look she'd get sometimes and unzipped her suit a bit, fanning herself playfully.  
  
'Oh mayor, now isn't that mighty forward? I'm a good girl.'  
  
She managed to keep a relatively straight face when she said it, but he couldn't stop his chuckle.  
  
'Sure, sunshine, I can tell by all the bites I can see and that's just what you have uncovered. Oh, man you should have heard Codsy apologizing for the sounds you were making last night. I thought he was going to overheat and explode, flailing those arms of his around.'  
  
She let out a bark of laughter, zipping her suit up and taking his arm as they walked.  
  
'Oh yes, Codsworth used to worry about what the neighbors would think when Nate and I started having sex again, after Shaun was born.'  
  
She got that faraway sad look in her eyes again, she'd been doing a lot better, now that particular look was reserved for whenever her son or Nick was brought up.  
  
'Sorry, sunshine didn't mean to make you sad.'  
  
'Just missing Shaun and hoping that this stuff will help me get another step closer to him.'  
  
'What is this stuff for anyways, why do you need power armour?'  
  
She sighed and looked like she really did not want to talk about it, looking down at their feet as they walked.  
  
'The only lead I have on Shaun is a possible location for an escaped Institute scientist...in the Glowing Sea...'  
  
John gaped at her, he'd been surprised when she had talked about taking on the Institute, but a sweet little smoothskin like her going into the Glowing Sea was just insanity.  
  
'Now, sunshine...I'm pretty sure you'd make one sexy ghoul like yours truly, but you don't want to go through that and the odds are greater that you'd just die from all the rads.'  
  
'But that's why I have the suit, that's why we needed to get the sealant. Sturges has been helping get my suit in shape so it will withstand the rads. Plus, I have all that RadAway and Rad-X I've been stockpiling. Not quiet sure how I'll be able to take it while in my suit, but maybe if I modify the auto-stim so it gives me something it my rads are to high...huh, gonna have to spend some time in the garage and see if I can make that work...what...what was it like, going ghoul?'  
  
'If you talk with Daisy or any of them old-timers, it was slow, gradual. Mine was a little faster and it wasn't pretty and it didn't feel good, sunshine. I've already seen you passed out and dying once...I'd like to not see that again...'  
  
'You won't have to and I'm not going to die...I think...'  
  
'What the hell do you mean I won't have to? No...oh no, sunshine. You can get any damn fool thought about going there by yourself out of that head right now. I'm going with you and that's it.'  
  
'That's it, huh and what I'm just supposed to fucking accept the word of the mighty mayor of Goodneighbor? Pfffttt.'  
  
'No, you're going to accept the word of someone who's fucking been out there and might have half of a brain instead of whatever that chunk of fluff you have in that head of yours.'  
  
'Well, we can certainly agree on the half a brain part...'  
  
They were standing in the middle of the road, screaming at each other at the top of their lungs and Hancock just rubbed his hand over his face with a growl.  
  
'You are the most...stubborn, crazy, foolish woman I have ever met and I've known a few.'  
  
'Oh, I know you have. The tales regarding your conquests are legendary in Goodneighbor. Jesus Christ man, I'm surprised you bother to fucking wear pants at all.'  
  
'That's rich coming from you, I don't even know why you try hide your bruises, doesn't seem to bother you screaming out at night for everyone to hear.'  
  
She stopped and looked at him in surprise.  
  
'Are you jealous, John?'  
  
'What, what are you talking about woman? You seem to...'  
  
'Uh uh uh, I'mma stop you right there. There's no fucking point in trying to lie to me right now. I was a really, really good lawyer Hancock and I call bullshit. You should have figured that out after poker. I know for a fact you have at least that half a fucking brain in your head are you just too high to see that?'  
  
She was holding onto his arm, her hand was warm, even through his coat and she was frowning at him.  
  
'You know if it bothers you John, you could tell me and I could be more discreet. I'm horny, I'm not an asshole...well, most of the time.'  
  
'Fuck...what are we even fighting about? You get me so riled up. Gonna fucking turn me feral one of these times.'  
  
He tried to give her a bit of a smile, moving to hold her hand but she just shook him off.  
  
_Why the fuck do you always screw things up?_  
  
'One, I was planning on going into the Glowing Sea alone. Two, you seem to be upset about me having sex.'  
  
'I'm going with you, the rads don't bother me and like hell I'm letting you go there alone. There's a lot bigger, badder shit out there, sunshine. And maybe I am fucking jealous, what of it? I was trying to be respectful since you're Nicky's woman, but then you turn around and make googly eyes at the kid and fall into bed with someone.'  
  
'Fine. You can fucking come with me if it will get you off my back. And let's clear something up...Nick left me. He told me he would help me find Shaun and that he loved me and HE LEFT ME. I love him, but I am not his woman anymore unless he gets the balls to tell me why he did that. I am my own fucking person and I choose to flirt and sleep with who I want. I've been flirting with you plenty Hancock, I find you attractive, but I don't know you yet. Sturges is my best friend and I trust him. You haven't earned that yet and it honestly might take a little bit more than most, given your reputation John.'  
  
She went to stomp off, but he saw the tears falling down her cheeks. Grabbing her and pulling her in for a hug even as she struggled against him, eventually sobbing against his shoulder.  
  
'Hey, sunshine. I'm sorry....I'm sorry...I don't understand how we always end up fighting. Nicky is an idiot and I'll help you, okay? I'm an asshole. I know that, I'm an asshole but I want you to be alive and happy and to find your son, okay? I'll help you, sweetheart.'  
  
Her voice was small and it hurt him, watching her wipe her face on her sleeve.  
  
'We fight because we both want to control the situation to hurt us the least...because we've been hurt so many times. If we ever have sex, it may be the greatest ever or we may kill each other.'  
  
He grinned at her, chucking her under the chin like she had done to him. Her eyes and face were red, so it lessened the cockiness of her smirk.  
  
'There's my sunshine.'  
  
'I'm your sunshine now? I don't know if you'll be able to put up with me.'  
  
'Yup, forever.'  
  
He saw her stop and hold a hand to her heart, looking like she was in pain. John grabbed her and helped hold her upright.  
  
'Hey, hey, hey...what's going on? Are you okay?'  
  
'I...Nate...Nate...'  
  
'Oh, shit.'  
  
John scooped her up at she started hyperventilating, her eyes rolling into the back of her head. They were in Concord and the Red Rocket was still a bit a ways. Tightening his hold on her and moving as fast as he could, he started yelling once he was closer.  
  
'Shit, Quinn...come on Quinn, what's going on? STURGES! Come on you better be at the fucking garage...STURRRRRRGES! Where the fuck is your fucking pompadour, sunshine.'  
  
He huffed a sigh of relief when he heard the clomping of boots and saw the mechanic rounding the corner.  
  
'Oh, shit. What the hell happened?'  
  
He ran up, grabbing Quinn out of this arms and ran back to the gas station, running to the back office where they'd just put the new bed. Hancock leaned against the door frame, watching the other man examine her for injury and fret over her.  
  
'Come on, Audra baby...what's going on darlin?'  
  
_Audra?_  
  
John felt out of place and went back out to the front of the garage, patting his pockets. He didn't have any of his fucking Jet...he knew she didn't like him high all the time and he left it behind thinking it would be a relatively quick job, but he had a pack of cigarettes and lit one.  
  
'What happened? I can't get her to respond, but I don't see any injuries.'  
  
'We got into an argument and were yelling at each other, we were calming down and getting ready to go and I said something then she said a name...uhhh, Nate? Then she fainted.'  
  
'Okay...okay...I think she just got herself too worked up. I had to give her a stim this morning, she had more cuts on her legs and I don't know how much sleep she got, when I woke up she wasn't in bed.'  
  
John sighed and offered the man a cigarette, which he took with a thank you, leaning back against the workbench.  
  
'Who's Nate and Audra?'  
  
'Audra is Quinn's first name...and Nate was her husband, the one that was killed. He's buried off to the side of the bridge at Sanctuary. Do you remember what you guys said, what set her off?'  
  
'We argued because I was mad about her going into the Glowing Sea and she was trying to tell me that she was gonna go on her own and because I was jealous. She got upset about Nick and her son. She said I wouldn't be able to put up with her.'  
  
'Look, Mayor Hancock...I don't know how well you got to know her while she was there, but there was one thing I learned right away...Audra is gonna do what she wants to do and you can either help or watch her do it herself. She told me she needed a suit with seals good enough to withstand the Glowing Sea, well then I'm gonna fix her suit to withstand the Glowing Sea. The first time I met her she took on a Deathclaw in that power armour, she ran out of ammo...so what does she do after it flings her away, breaking her ribs? She picks up a lamppost and beats the bastard to death. That was her second day out of the vault. The only thing that seems to stop her is when she gets too lost in her own head.'  
  
Hancock signed, rubbing his face again, nodding a little at the other man...because he could imagine it, her swearing up a storm and taking on a Deathclaw to protect people she'd just met.  
  
'I'll do whatever I can to help her and I'm going with her no matter what she says. I can stand the rads. Hey, she said something about a modified auto-stim to give her RadAway in the suit...think you could rig something like that up?'  
  
'Well, let's take a look-see, can you give me a hand?'  
  
-  
  
They stood at the edge of the melted and charred landscape and Audra wanted to vomit. It was different...it was so much worse. She'd begun to view the rough landscape of the Commonwealth with a little less pain, it was the new normal, but this was horrid. All because people couldn't figure out how to share, how to take care of the earth...how to do anything but consume and destroy.  
  
'You can say it if you want to. You're right.'  
  
'You're crazy, sunshine. But I'm here for you.'  
  
Her voice sounded weird and tinny in the suit, so she just nodded and she started stomping forward into the Glowing Sea with determination.  
  
(Jungle - X Ambassadors)  
  
It'd taken them a couple days to get there, they'd run into a couple new places the Minutemen could set up at and had to help the one family with a raider problem before they agreed to it. Amazingly they hadn't fought since she'd fainted.  
  
Audra had woken up with a giant headache and confused, drawing her pistol before she realized she was at the Red Rocket. She'd found the guys in the garage and John was actually helping Sturges work on the suit. She probably stood there for 5-10 minutes, peeking in the door silently, watching them.  
She remembered why she'd fainted and it made her heart hurt, her hand went up to her neck, but didn't find what it was looking for and the sigh she let out had the guys turning to her. Hancock looked relieved and a bit ashamed. Sturges gave her his usual grin when he saw her and when he realized what her hand was reaching for, he reassured her.  
  
'You forgot the chain by the bed this morning, I put them in the safe.'  
  
'Thanks, hon.'  
  
She wandered over and leaned down to give him a peck since he was covered in goop and when John stood, she pulled him over and gave him a hug.  
  
'Not your fault. Okay? Didn't sleep much...dreamt about when Nate proposed and he asked if I would be able to put up with him and I told him forever...but it didn't last forever. When we talked, it just reminded me...'  
  
Audra sighed and pulled away, sitting on the workbench, watching them as she decided to just go ahead and dump all the worries in her head. How Mac looked kinda like Nate, how she missed Nick, how she felt like she was failing Shaun, how she was scared of her depression, how scared she really was to go into the Glowing Sea. She'd ended up crying again until she'd exhausted herself and woke up in the bed hours later, a now clean Sturges holding her close.  
They'd finished the suit sometime while she'd slept, so they took the next to prepare and left the following morning.  
  
And here they finally were, the sickly yellow green of the atmosphere here making her sullen. Luckily the gentleman at the settlement they helped out had a vague idea of where they might find some crazies that went by the Children of Atom...apparently since that was the closest settlement to the edge of the Glowing Sea, occasionally one of the odd ones would pop up and trade for some supplies. Audra made note to get some Minutemen and a regular supply line down that way, he had a son and daughter to take care of.  
  
As stubborn as she was, she was glad that John had come along. The first Radscorpion that had popped up had made her let loose with this horrible shriek of surprise that had had John laughing more than helping. She was annoyed for a bit, but eventually she'd calmed down and was slightly happier.  
John had been so serious around her the last several days and she didn't know how to act sometimes. She didn't know how she felt about him too deeply yet...everything about him screamed danger and likely heartbreak.  
  
_I have enough of that for several lifetimes already..._  
  
If she didn't have to find Shaun, she might have hidden away at the Red Rocket with Sturges forever.  
  
She'd turned the microphone on her helmet off when they'd passed the church, she'd spent many a Sunday visiting the Hopesmarch Pentecostal Church at the insistence of Nate's mother and she didn't want John to hear her crying. She and Nate were not particularly religious but Shaun had wooed all the women at bible study and they'd had a nice enough time at the various picnics and events. She was pretty sure she had a picture in the safe of Shaun in his grandmother's arms, surrounded by the other ladies of the church.  
John mentioned that that was one of the places he'd wandered by when he'd come to the Glowing Sea, that it still had several ghouls that hung around. Audra wanted to avoid it and a thought she hadn't had in a while popped back into her head, making the tears flow faster.  
  
_What if those were people I knew? That had somehow survived the horrific destruction surrounding them and had time to ghoulify and be trapped in the sunken church..._  
  
After a while she had to force herself to go serious and as blank as she could, if she continued crying at the rate she had been, she'd be dehydrating herself in the suit and the pain was already sapping some of her strength and they still had god only knows how much further to go.  
  
She felt like it had been an eternity by the time they'd reached the crater the Children of Atom called home, she was exhausted, but wasn't about to let John know just yet. The strange ones were wary of John and she asked him to wait and try to not appear menacing while she dealt with the place's leader. She was able to convince the woman to talk with her and she gave them a lead on the scientist. It was another several hours before they stumbled upon the cave purely by luck.  
  
-  
  
They spent a bit of time speaking with the super mutant scientist after the initial shock wore off.  
  
He'd almost taken the guy out when he stepped into the cave, but then he spoke intelligently and it shocked him enough to just stand there. Audra of course just rolled with it like she always did, somehow managing to get information from the man and promise to help him if she could.  
  
_A fucking courser...really?_  
  
Audra did not look nearly afraid enough to understand what the scientist was telling her she had to do, instead she just nodded and accepted it just like she would anything else. Virgil just looked at her, then to him, shrugging at the super mutant. She was the boss. Mostly.  
She'd gone to leave the cave and so John just stood in front of the tunnel, arms folded, refusing to let her pass till she'd gotten some rest. She had trying playing it off, but he'd noticed how she'd been slowing and how the conversation had broken off a few times. She was dead on her feet and he wished he'd noticed sooner.  
After Virgil assured her the cave was insulated enough from the outside, she'd come out of the suit so she could take some Rad-X and lie down on the makeshift bed. John sat next to her, glaring at the scientist as he scoffed at him when he got his Jet out after sunshine had fallen asleep.  
  
'That stuff is horrible for you.'  
  
'Yeah, yeah, so is having a mug that looks like mine or yours, but here we are.'  
  
'She does not seem to understand the gravity of having to find a courser.'  
  
He nodded a little, giving the man that, looking down and brushing the hair off of Audra's face.  
  
'Yeah, she doesn't know what she's getting into, but she's the most capable woman I've ever met.'  
  
Virgil looked at them curiously but stayed silent and John sat there with his Jet until it was Audra's turn to watch while he caught a few zzz's.  
  
When he woke up, Audra was there, getting some more RadAway in her.  
  
'You're looking a little green around the gills, sunshine, no offence doc.'  
  
He held up his hands when the super mutant huffed at him a little, but the doc gestured to Audra.  
  
'She needs to leave, I'm surprised she is in as good a shape as she is, but the radiation is going to start shutting down her internal organs. She's experiencing nausea and her skin looks irritated.'  
  
'Do you have more blue goo at the State House, John?'  
  
'I think there's one more, but I can always try hunt the doc down.'  
  
'Blue goo?'  
  
Dr Virgil looked confused and John had to try not to laugh as it was a particularly comical look on the giant super mutant with his little glasses perched on his face.  
  
'My Ms Nanny friend said it was biogel...I've had it a few times since I woke up. It always makes me feel better.'  
  
Virgil's eyebrows shot up and he took on an even more serious demeanour if that was somehow possible. John frowned and watched him closely.  
  
'I was not aware that biogel was readily available on the surface...may I take a blood sample before you leave?'  
  
'Why would you need a blood sample from her? And I don't know where the doc got it from, he's from out west and comes to trade with Goodneighbor.'  
  
Audra just raised her eyebrow when John spoke, but looked at the doctor, waiting for his answer.  
  
'Biogel has some interesting regenerative properties and am I curious if that is why you are withstanding the radiation so well.'  
  
'I guess, might as well come grab it or if you have the stuff, instruct John on how to do it. No offence Dr Virgil, but your fingers look less than nimble.'  
  
The doc came back with a tray and with his help, Hancock got several samples for him. Once that was done and Audra was good to go, she climbed back into the armour.  
  
'Thank you for your help, Dr Virgil, I will hopefully see you in a bit.'  
  
'I will not expect you to, but I wish you good luck for both our sakes. I recommend that once you are out that you go through a decontamination arch or a wipe down with RadAway and make sure you both wash or mist your clothing with some as well. And wash your suit down if you plan on keeping it around. Otherwise, the lingering radiation will continue to effect you Ms Quinn.'  
  
'Thank you again.'  
  
At that they were off. The trip back was going considerably faster now that they had a better idea of where they were going. It was getting on into the late afternoon, they were only maybe an hour or two from the edge now and he was actually feeling fairly chipper.  
  
'What do you say I take you out on the town when we get back, sunshine? A real date?'  
  
'Sure, that would...John, watch out!'  
  
He groaned as he went flying sideways, landing on the ground hard, she'd shoved him roughly and knocked him over. He started sitting up with a grumble.  
  
'What the hell was that for...sunshine? Audra? Fuck, where are you?'  
  
The shots had him jumping up, but the following roar had him quaking. The fear and adrenaline kicked in and he realized there was a ledge that she had saved him from walking right over...and in the process went over herself...right into a Deathclaw.  
  
'Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.'  
  
John did the only thing he could think of, sat and slid on his ass down the slope, shotgun ready. She was doing her best to dodge it in the clunky power armour, taking shots with her rifle, but he could already see the deep scratches from where it got it's claws on her.  
  
'Oh, I'm feral now!'  
  
'God damn it John, stay back!'  
  
He didn't listen of course, he was not about to let this fucker take her away when she was one step closer to her son and started unloading into the beast. At one point it'd knocked Audra over and he could feel his heart pounding in fear when she didn't move right away. Screaming and firing at it again and again. He didn't feel the slice of it's claws, but he felt the ground as he went down.  
He wasn't sure, he knew he was going to pass out soon, but he thought he'd heard her scream at one point.  
  
-  
  
(Eternal - Depeche Mode)  
  
'Come on, John...we're not done yet.'  
  
He wanted to yell at her, but he felt the stab of a few stimpacks before it went black again.  
  
-  
  
Someone was yelling at them. John was dumb-fuck and Audra was crazy-wench, the voice was familiar, but he couldn't bring himself to open his eyes. He was so tired.  
  
-  
  
He was at the Old State House, he didn't know how he got there, but he wasn't alone. Audra was next to him and she did not look good. They were laying on the bed and he winced when he tried to move, suddenly aware of the healing gashes across his chest and was startled to find that he was just in some shorts (that weren't his) and she was naked.  
  
_Not the way I wanted to be naked in bed with her._  
  
John was laying on his back, tilting his head to the side to look at her and his throat was dry, he couldn't get his voice to work but he was able to move his hand to hold hers.  
Audra was positioned on her stomach, her head turned towards him and he let out a little noise of distress. Her skin was red and blistered and flaking in large patches all over her back that he could see. She had her own deep gash and it looked a lot rougher than what he had.  
He was fighting, trying to say her name, but he was feeling like he was going to pass out again. So he did the only thing he could think of and laced his fingers with hers.  
  
(I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab For Cutie)  
  
-  
  
It had been a crazy couple weeks.  
  
He'd gone and grabbed some of his stash and dropped it off with John, then went off to Diamond City and was surprised to find Nick at Audra's place, hugging her pillow like a lifeline. He might have felt bad for the guy if she wasn't worse.  
He drug the detective out of the bed and laid into him for probably a good hour, letting him know how he'd found Audra and that if he hadn't found her purely by accident, that they would have been having a much different conversation.  
He would have kept going but Nick went into some kind of shutdown mode. His eyes went dark and his body mostly quiet, if it hadn't been for the faint sound off his coolant still pumping he might have thought that Nicky had died of a synth heart attack or something.  
As angry as he was, that was not his intention and the guilt ate at him, if Nick died because of him then he might as well try and take himself out again...because he knew she would.  
He sat there for two days, watching the detective before he came back online and he attempted the conversation in a slightly calmer manner.  
  
It had taken some time, but he finally got the story out of the detective and as much as he was still upset at the way it was handled...he understood that she probably would not have let him leave otherwise. Nick agreed that he needed to see Amari, but he was not going to go back to Goodneighbor until he was sure that Audra was gone and there was no possible chance that he could physically harm her.  
  
He'd agreed to go to Goodneighbor and let Nick know once she was gone so he could speak to the Doc. He'd caught John out and about and the mayor had updated him on how things were. He was upset about the cuts, but that was something that had been a point of contention long before all of this. Otherwise, it sounded like she was doing okay, being her usual charming self and making friends. He was pleasantly surprised when John had told him about how she'd taken Fahr down, he knew she had known how to, but that she was doing it as a demonstration of power was smart.  
  
_You idiot, you've always known I was smarter than you, and I trained...why would you be surprised?_  
  
Her voice had been in his head, more-so in the first years, but it had surged back to life the last couple months and he could always count on her sassing him in his head.  
  
He'd left them the night before they made their way to Sanctuary and informed Nicholas that he was clear to head to Goodneighbor later the next day. He made what was supposed to be a quick detour before catching up with the pair and thought things were going okay, but ran into something disturbing along the way.  
  
(So Far So Good - Thornley)  
  
He was making his way around Cambridge when he encountered another man, much like the tail he had taken care of before, but this time he was fairly certain he was the one who was being followed. Maybe the first had been intended for him, as well. No identifying marks, nothing overly distinguishable about the man other than being clean, no personal artifacts...someone was deliberately toying with him (them?) and he did not like that.  
  
It took another night to make it to Sanctuary, because he kept changing directions and using all his tricks to disappear. He wanted to be as certain as he could be that he did not have another tail for the time being.  
  
He'd gotten it out of some of the settlers at Sanctuary where Audra and Hancock had gone and he'd chased after them, he'd been hanging out at the Edge of the Glowing Sea for a full day now and it was starting to get darker, he figured it'd be another night hiding on the overpass. He kept the area clear of the bugs and raiders, but the Gunner's weren't too far away and he really did not want to alert them to his presence. He was just about to settle into one of the cars for the night when he saw them, he was waiting till they got closer when he realized that they were in trouble.  
He jumped down to ground level and tugged his Gunner bandanna over his face and ran out to her, trying to ignore the creepy crawly feeling of the rads over his skin. He took Hancock from her arms and was glad that the mask hid the horrified face he had, seeing the state of her power suit.  
After getting Hancock a little further away and hidden by a car, he returned to her. She'd stopped in place and did not answer when he asked her to get out of the armour. He had to force the valve open to get her out and as soon as it started to open, she fell back into his arms.  
  
_Oh, Jesus...no._  
  
She was hanging onto consciousness by a thread, but she managed to reach up and caress his cheek over the scarf before succumbing. He ran to where Hancock was and started to get to work. It was probably not one of his finest moments, but he got mad as he worked on them and couldn't stop himself from yelling.  
  
'You goddamn stupid dumb-fuck Hancock! You were supposed to watch after her and you, you crazy-wench...why the fuck would you take on a deathclaw...again! I'm leaving your goddamn power armour here and it fucking serves you right. You better fucking wake up and yell at me. Come on!'  
  
He'd gotten Audra hooked to an I.V. of RadAway, hanging the bag from the car mirror and was trying to wet her skin with a rag soaked with some more RadAway and some biogel, but the skin on her back was just coming off where it'd been exposed by the opening in the suit. John was better off, still bleeding from his chest but at least the radiation was benefiting him. After making sure he was stable, he turned back to Audra and couldn't stop the tears.  
It had to have been a deathclaw, from the way they were torn up. John had three good slashes across his chest...but Audra...it looked like the deathclaw had hooked her with one claw from her collarbone, over the shoulder and down to the top of her bottom. It was bad but survivable, it was the fact that it had caused the metal of the suit to grind against the skin that was then cooking off from now being open to the radiation. The only thing he could think of to do was he began to pour RadAway and biogel over her, making sure she was completely soaked in the liquid from head to toe. He gave her a few stims just to help, but there was no way he had enough for more. Her hands and face looked badly sun-burnt, but it was the flesh exposed by the broken armour and her torn suit that was blistering and coming off with the slightest movement.  
  
He'd survived something similar before, but it wasn't the severity of the injuries that had nearly taken him. It was the infection that had happened from all the broken skin.  
  
He knew he didn't have enough to take care of them here, so he began scrambling for ideas on how he could get them back to a doctor. The only idea he had was mad and it required that he leave them there by themselves while he took care of things. After looking around in a small radius, he figured it was his only option. He covered Audra in some more biogel, at the rate she'd been going through it, he'd have to make a run West eventually. After finding a blanket in the raider shack, he made sure they were covered and set off.  
  
A couple hours and several dead super mutants later, he was carefully loading them onto the flatbed cart he'd found in the old scrap yard. The ride was rough and he had to stop more than once to take care of a threat or take care of them, but he pushed as hard as he could, till he made it to the West Roxbury Station.  
It was a risk trying this way, he hadn't been through to clear it in a while and check if the way was still clear, but he figured it was safer than trying to keep moving them above ground. More super mutants needed to be cleared before he was able to carefully bring them down, then the cart.  
Most of the subway tunnels had collapsed in places but when he first got to the Commonwealth, he wandered around, checking them out and found that a large portion of the service tunnels were still open or easily cleared. After checking that their vitals were still mostly steady, he gave them both a few doses of Med-X. He really didn't want to after what had happened with Audra, but having them wake here, now, in their current state would be worse. So, he sucked it up and let them have a tiny bit of relief. He took Audra's pip-boy and set himself an alarm, forcing himself to sleep an hour before continuing.  
It took 8 hours of weaving through the underground till he came out at the station he wanted, right under the Old State House. He'd used every last bit of biogel he'd had on him and all the stimpacks and RadAway and Med-X he could find. They were looking better, but it was still going to be several painful days. John had almost woken up at one point and he had to give him some extra Med-X. He'd have to go get more biogel to speed up the healing process, but he desperately needed to get them settled, clean up and get some sleep first.  
He popped out of the exit that dumped into the Third Rail, surprising Charlie, waving him off as he ran upstairs. He got Fahrenheit and she in turn got Ham and a couple of the other boys and they carefully transported the pair upstairs, making sure no one saw them as they went. While Fahr got them in bed, he ran to get Amari...surprised when he found Nick hooked into some of the computers, eyes dimmed. The doc assured him Nick was fine and they were just running extensive diagnostics. She spoke to Nick, saying that he could still hear even while processing and told him she would be back. She followed without question, used to the usual antics of the town and let out a noise of displeasure when she saw who it was.  
  
'What happened to them and what are they covered in?'  
  
'I found them at the edge of the Glowing Sea, she was chasing up the lead on the scientist, but it looks like they ran into a deathclaw. It breeched her power armour so I had to douse her in RadAway and some biogel. Got some on him while I was transporting them.'  
  
She went to work, stripping them both down and carefully cleaning the wounds. John got some stitches, but she wasn't able to do anything with Audra's flesh being as weak as it was currently. So after insuring the wound was cleansed, she took the remaining biogel that Hancock had and lightly coated her wounds.  
  
He woke and he knew it was mid-day by the light. He was lying on one of the couches and found Fahrenheit looking at him from the other couch.  
  
'You collapsed from exhaustion. I put you on the couch. No one has been allowed upstairs besides those of us that were here last night and no one is allowed in the building today, including any Watch...besides Ham, Mickey, and Sully. I have guys stationed outside and I made sure no one saw anything last night.'  
  
'Hey...uh, thanks. I need to go get some more gel and talk with Amari. When they get up...John can know it was me, but just tell Audra someone found them or something. I'll be around...oh...and if you see someone new around, looking too clean and out of place...don't let them near her.'  
  
Fahrenheit frowned at him but nodded and he quickly changed into a Watch outfit and made his way to the Memory Den. Irma just waved as he passed and he found Amari downstairs, fiddling with the computer still hooked to Nick. He jerked his head and went to stand in the hall.  
  
'You really should get more sleep, you were exhausted.'  
  
'Sure, doc. Look, I'm gonna go grab some more of the gel and bring it back for Audra. I'll give it to you and if she asks can you tell her you picked up a shipment or something? And if Nick finds out what happened...just...be delicate, please.'  
  
He gave her a quick rundown of what happened at Home Plate and she nodded.  
  
'Nicholas told me about his...episode. I shall do what I can for him and the others. Where did you come by the biogel? It is very rare that I know of and I have not seen any in years.'  
  
'Uh...I just found some...'  
  
'Fine, keep your secrets, but if you ever have any to spare it would be beneficial when we make changes.'  
  
He caught her meaning and nodded, making his way out.  
  
_Changes...might be time for some changes. Nothing drastic, but just enough. And maybe check the hospitals and vaults for some more parts._  
  
Once upon a time, he'd actually found one of the machines that helped manufacture biogel, but it had been broken for a couple centuries. Looks like it was time to revisit that old project, but after. After the changes.


	5. Intervals of Horrible Sanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac finds out Audra and Hancock are back, struggling with his growing emotions.  
> Hancock tells Audra how he became mayor, they have a heart to heart and decide where they stand.  
> Audra finds something out and has a breakdown because of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOookkkay. I had this posted earlier, but I ended up taking it down and completely redoing the one section. Originally I had John and Audra hooking up, but it just didn't feel right to me, so I changed that around.
> 
> I love Hancock but I've been having a hard time writing him in this. Might have to give him his own story.

'Fahr, let me in.'  
  
'No one in or out, told you that already MacCready.'  
  
'I heard her screaming, let me in.'  
  
Mac pushed the door and was surprised when she let him pass, running up the stairs with her following behind. He stepped into the bedroom area and stopped so suddenly Fahrenheit bumped into his back.  
  
'Damn it, Mac...'  
  
She looked up at his face and trailed off, something that may have been pity flashed in her eyes.  
  
'What the fuck happened?'  
  
'Language, kid. We had an unfortunate encounter with a deathclaw in the Glowing Sea.'  
  
He turned at the sound of Hancock's voice, it was even rougher than usual, looking the ghoul up and down. The normally smooth mayor was shuffling painfully into the room, instead of his usual outfit he was wearing a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, carefully sitting in the chair by the bed. He lifted his shirt showing Mac his wounds, making the younger man wince.  
  
_Sorry, Duncan. I didn't mean to, just worried._  
  
'What were you doing in the Glowing Sea? What was SHE doing in the Glowing Sea?'  
  
He hadn't been able to get her off his mind since she'd kissed him and was upset that he hadn't kissed her again before they left. Then he was irritated with Hancock for a few days because he'd interrupted the kiss he had been thinking about going for while they were on the balcony. After a that he was irritated at her briefly for being so effing nice and worming into his thoughts. But then he felt guilty because of what she'd done.  
He didn't know if she'd said something or what, but a Minuteman had sought him out and hired him to help them clear some Super Mutants that were getting too close to Hangman's Alley, then again to clear some raiders, and so on.  
If there was a Minuteman job that needed some extra firepower, he was now the contractor in demand, apparently.  
At the rate it had been going, he might have enough to consider paying off the Gunners so they would leave him alone.  
  
(Painkiller - DREAMERS)  
  
He was just about to head down to The Third Rail when he heard the scream coming from up above and he ran over to the door, trying to get in, but freaking Sully wouldn't let him. So, he stood there pounding at the door till Fahr came down. He tried not to think too hard about how he'd recognised her voice from her scream or how much it got his heart pounding in fear. He'd heard her when she'd woken up from nightmares, but it was never anything like that.  
  
It looked like she was naked with just a sheet covering her ass, but he could see why. The deep scratch that ran down her entire back and the blistered skin surrounding it looked like it would be too painful to cover. She was out, but something must have just happened because her hair was damp and sticking to her forehead, her normally peachy complexion slightly grey.  
  
He looked up at Hancock, frowning as he waited for him to answer.  
  
'She got a lead on her kid. An Institute scientist out in the Glowing Sea, We went and got her power armour and made our way out there. We found him. On the way back she saved me from falling over a ledge but went right into a deathclaw. I wasn't gonna let her have all the fun, so I jumped right in. Bastard got me, don't remember a whole lot after that. Woke up in bed with her, fairly certain I was dying, but I guess the world's not ready to lose a sexy beast like me. That was two days ago. Fahr says we were out for another two days before that.'  
  
'How the hell...how did you get back here?'  
  
'Guardian...angel...'  
  
He jumped when Quinn croaked softly and moved to the side of the bed, leaning down to her level so she could see him. Gently brushing the hair back from her face.  
  
'Hi, Mac. I ow.'  
  
'I can see that. How's the pain? Do you need something?'  
  
He looked at her, then Hancock and Fahrenheit helplessly.  
  
'W..wa...water, please.'  
  
Her voice was nearly as scratchy as Hancock's and Fahrenheit handed him some purified water with a straw. He sat on the one side of the bed as Fahr helped her to her side enough that she was able to get the straw in her mouth, taking a few small sips. She lay back down on the bed, turning her head to look the other way.  
  
'I..mm sorry...John.'  
  
'It's okay, sunshine, I'll be fine. I think you hurt yourself more with that one but as much as you want my sexy body in bed with you, I think I might have to get another bed till we're in a little better shape.'  
  
Quinn sighed and turned her head back to Mac and at his raised eyebrow, mumbled softly, sounding so sad it made him frown.  
  
'Nightmare.'  
  
'Sunshine had one hell of a nightmare and punched me right in the side, making us both hurt. Do you need some more Med-X? I'm fucking having some after that.'  
  
Fahrenheit came back into the room with some Med-X, giving Quinn a couple doses and Hancock got a full syringe. He tried reaching for another one but she just smacked his hands.  
  
'Doc said not to let you have too much.'  
  
'Awww, come on Fahr.'  
  
'Nope. That's it. Hey, Mac...can you watch these two for a bit, need to find another fucking bed. Don't let him take anymore.'  
  
'Yeah, yeah I got them.'  
  
Quinn had already fallen back asleep and Hancock was sitting there high as can be, so he set the water on the side table and got up, going over the to the balcony for a smoke. He left the door open so he could make sure they were okay. Hancock eventually stood and joined him. He was moving better with the chems in him and took a couple drags from the cigarette.  
  
'Yup. She has her own guardian angel. Brought us all the way back from the Glowing Sea. Heh heh heh...super mutants in glasses and coursers...'  
  
'Ooooookay, Hancock, you're really high. How about we get you sitting down again? You look effing weird without your regular clothes, where are they?'  
  
'Clothes being decontaminated and need to be sewn. It's true, true...gonna have to zap Audra to the Institute, pew pew.'  
  
MacCready couldn't stop the snort of amusement as he got Hancock in the chair again, he was about to move to the couch but John grabbed his hand, mumbling a bit.  
  
'Don't leave her alone, the nightmares will get her, have to hold her hand to show her the way.'  
  
John fell asleep in the chair, dropping Mac's hand and he couldn't stop the shiver that crawled up his spine, his words sounding dark and ominous. But he went ahead, moving back to the bed, lying down next to Quinn and finding her hand. He laced his fingers with hers and gave a little squeeze, speaking softly,  
  
'I'm here Quinn.'  
  
_I'm sorry, Luce...she makes me feel something again. I hope you wouldn't be mad. I miss you. I miss you so much._  
  
-  
  
It was another couple days later and John was actually feeling pretty good. The blue goo, as Audra called it, helped and then she told him about this stuff she had in her bag. He got it and rubbed some over the skin around the scabs and it felt really good.  
  
_Might have to get a tub of it, maybe send one of the boys to Bunker Hill._  
  
John knew he was going to have to get some to replace what he'd taken from Audra. At first, he'd used it just around the claw marks, but it helped with the tight skin ghouls so often got and he was going through it a lot quicker.  
  
Her guardian angel had brought more blue goo to Amari and they were giving it to her regularly and using it on her back. He didn't know what the story was there and he knew if he asked he wouldn't get an answer, so he just rolled with it. It was crazy, the gouge was starting to scab over and she didn't have the blisters or red skin anymore. They were both considerably more healed than they should be after just a week. She was going to have one hell of a scar though.  
  
She was still in and out but she'd been refusing the Med-X and was starting to get more lucid when she'd wake. He couldn't stop the stab of pain he felt when she looked at the kid and the way Mac looked back at her. But she hadn't had another nightmare with Mac lying there with her and he couldn't be angry over that.  
  
He'd been laying in his new bed the last couple days but MacCready had gone out for a day job, so he was leaning back against the headboard, holding Audra's hand as she napped.  
  
'How did you get to be Mayor?'  
  
He smiled and looked down at her, her voice was steadier, she winced a little in pain as she tried to move but was able to turn slightly to look up at him. He helped tuck the sheet around her so her chest was covered...for her sake and so he didn't embarrass himself.  
  
(Poorman - Depeche Mode)  
  
'Some ass named Vic ran the town for I don't know how long. Guy was scum. Used us drifters like his own personal piggy bank. He had this goon squad he'd use to keep people in line. Every so often he'd let them off the leash, go blow off some steam on the populace at large. Folks with homes could lock their doors, but us drifters, we got it bad. There was one night, some drifter said something to them. They cracked him open like a can of Cram on the pavement. And we all just stood there. Did nothing.'  
  
'You can't blame yourself. It sounds like you were outmatched. Probably would've killed you too.'  
  
'You're right, but it was still spineless. I felt like less than nothing. Afterwards, I got so high, I blacked out completely. When I finally came to, I was on the floor of the Old State House. Right in front of the clothes of John Hancock. John Hancock, first American hoodlum and defender of the People. I might've still been high, but those clothes spoke to me, told me what I needed to do. I smashed the case, put them on, and started a new life. As Hancock. After that, I went clean for a bit, got organised, convinced KL-E-0 to loan me some hardware. Got a crew of drifters together and headed out into the ruins, started training. Next time Vic's boys went on their tear, we'd be ready for 'em.'  
  
He coughed and turned his face away at the old memories, reaching into his pocket and pulling his Mentats out, popping one. He still didn't have his clothes and it felt odd, they'd very much become a part of him.  
  
'The fact that you're standing here and Vic isn't would suggest things went well?'  
  
'Oh yeah. So the night of, we all got loaded, let Vic's boys get good and hammered, and burst from the windows and rooftops where we'd been hiding. They never even saw it coming. We didn't have to fire a shot. We didn't have to. But we sure fucking did. It was a massacre. Once we'd mopped up, we strolled right into Vic's quarters in the State House, wrapped a rope around his neck, and threw him off the balcony. And there I am, gun in hand, draped in Hancock's duds, looking at all the people of Goodneighbor assembled below. I had to say something. That first time I said 'em, they didn't even feel like my words: "Of the people, for the people!" Was my inaugural address. Became Mayor Hancock of Goodneighbor that day. And from then on, I vowed I'd never stand by and watch. Ever again.'  
  
John felt her small warm hand finding his, giving it a soft squeeze.  
  
'And you're never going to have to. We'll take care of the Commonwealth together.'  
  
He turned his head again, hoping she couldn't see the pain in his face from her words.  
  
'Good. I just hope you get where I was coming from. I ain't out to bring harm to anyone that didn't earn it.'  
  
'You fought so hard to become Mayor. Why leave?'  
  
'I ain't really the ponderous type. When an instinct takes hold, I listen. This time around, instinct said I should join up with you. Seems it was a good one.'  
  
'Then why are you so sad?'  
  
He sighed and looked down at her, he should have known she'd notice. He briefly thought about trying to lie, it was a hard thing to admit, but he knew she'd call him on his bullshit again and he didn't have the will to fight like they usually would.  
  
'Because it won't be together, least not the way I want, sunshine.'  
  
He looked down at her with a forced grin.  
  
'I've seen how you got eyes for the kid or even your handyman...and I saw how you looked at Nicky...you don't look at me that way.'  
  
She sighed and sat up, doing her best to cover her chest with the sheet.  
  
'John, you're handsome and smooth and fun to be around...and I've been trying, but I just think we'd kill each other if we were ever together. We fight horribly as it is and it makes me so tired when we do. I'm sorry.'  
  
Audra reached out, grabbing his hand and looking at him seriously.  
  
'I would like to be friends, we get a kick out of each other when we're not fighting and you've done nothing but help me since we've met. I can never repay that, but I need to know if having me around is going to bother you. If it is, I'll leave. And I want you to be happy too, hell, I make an awesome wingman and will happily try help find the person that looks at you like that if you want. Plus, I'm invested in Goodneighbor at this point. I have the apartment for the Minutemen, Mac, you, Fahr, Daisy, Magnolia, Ham, Amari...I would even call those idiots Mickey and Sully friends. So I'm going to be here a fair amount and I want to help Goodneighbor be more, John. Like I was trying to tell you when we first met, there's so much more that could be done here...I mean, look at how nice the State House looks after Fahr hired the cleaning crew.'  
  
She got so excited talking that she started waving her arms around, making her drop the sheet. He couldn't help the shocked look and laugh that came out.  
  
'Ho ho ho, sunshine. Nice jewellery.'  
  
John grinned and pointed a finger at her, going a little more serious.  
  
'I'm not letting you leave till you're good and healed and if you want to do that, then sure, play matchmaker. If you want changes, then how about you write up a big long list for me and we can go over it when Fahr gets back.'  
  
(New Blood - Zayde Wølf)  
  
'Okay, but I mean it John, if something bothers you...tell me. I mean like what if I start sucking face with Mac? Are you going to get all pissed?'  
  
'At you, no. I might give him some shit, but I would give Mac shit no matter what he was doing.'  
  
She rolled her eyes and laughed, looking around with a frown.  
  
'Where are all my clothes? Where are my weapons?'  
  
He sighed and gestured at her.  
  
'I don't know if you want to do that, sunshine...that will hurt your back. Your weapons are in the other room since you haven't really needed them.'  
  
'I'm not going to be able to wear a bra for a while, but I could probably manage a shirt and some underwear.'  
  
'The stuff you had in your bag had to get washed because of the rads, the food got tossed, then your caps and stuff are in the safe. Lemme grab the bag.'  
  
He brought her bag to the bed and she fished out some clothes, sighing.  
  
'I'm guessing the suit I was wearing was fucked...and I didn't bring any extra shirts or suits. I have some sweats, undies, and bras. Gonna have to ask someone to go get me some clothes or something.'  
  
'Here, if you're that goddamn stubborn, take my shirt.'  
  
'Woo, woo...take it off. I just need it till I can get more, thanks, hon. I really need to get back to Ellie's and buy more of the black suits. Plus, some shirts and a leather jacket to replace the one that caught fire on the way to Sanctuary. Why aren't you wearing your clothes anyways, does it irritate your chest too much?'  
  
'They need to be repaired, they got all ripped. Ellie's? Nick's secretary?'  
  
'Nooo...those are historical artifacts! I would kill that fucking deathclaw again if I had to. No, no. We met another Ellie, she set up shop just outside of Diamond City. She makes my black suits and has a bunch of other stuff. I bet if you sent your stuff to her she could repair it. That reminds me, I need to send a letter to Preston if there are any Minutemen in town. Need to let him know we're not dead.'  
  
'Well, make a list and I'll send someone and might as well write your letter and get that sent too.'  
  
He went and found her some paper and a pen, by the time he came back to the room she was wearing his shirt and her bottoms. John stood in the doorway, looking at her, trying to decide whether or not to tell her what her boobs looked like in the small shirt.  
  
'Yes, I know, you can still see my nipples. My eyes are up here.'  
  
John looked up and Audra was smirking at him and shrugged a little.  
  
'You're a lot fucking smaller than I am. Maybe Ham has a shirt I can borrow.'  
  
He laughed and handed her the stuff, frowning when she winced.  
  
'I'll have one of the boys grab something from Daisy. Write your letters and then you're taking some more Med-X and resting.'  
  
'Finnnnnneee.'  
  
She finished her lists and letter and he dosed her, sitting with her until she fell asleep again. Sighing and sliding off the bed, thinking about their conversation as he wandered out to the balcony for a smoke.  
  
_I wonder if there really is someone out there that would ever look at me like that._  
  
He played it up, but he knew what he looked like. She was an odd one. Falling for synths and calling ghouls handsome. The kid never even stood a chance against her charms, as much as he played it up, he was nowhere near as jaded as the ghoul and synth. His eyes fell back to her in the bed and he couldn't imagine anyone else like her. She was one of a kind, deadly, sweet, fiery, caring to a fault...  
  
John frowned and went back in, heading to his desk. Intent on giving Valentine a piece of his mind.  
  
After he finished the letter, he gathered his cleaned, but still torn clothing and stuffed them in a bag. Grabbing the one list and letter Audra had written. He wandered down, finding Mickey and Sully at the door. Sully was one of the few smoothskins in the Watch, so he was used to being the runner if something had to go to Diamond City.  
  
_Thanks to my fucking idiot brother, otherwise we wouldn't have to worry about it._  
  
'My man, Sully, I have some stuff for you to do. Find one of the Minutemen and tell them the General needs this letter delivered to Sanctuary. I also need you to deliver this letter to Valentine, his hands only, ya hear me. Then bring this over to this Ellie's place Audra talked about by Diamond City, she marked where it is, she said to tell the lady that the General needs this stuff on the list and to see if she could repair my clothing. After that, book it over to Bunker Hill and ask Kay for all the salve she has on hand.'  
  
He chuckled as Sully groaned, handing him the bag of clothes, list, letters, and a bag full of caps.  
  
'Make it quick and ya can have a night at the Rail on me.'  
  
'You got it, boss.'  
  
'Mickey, run over to Daisy's and ask her if she has some clothes that would fit sunshine and pick 'em up okay?'  
  
_Now it's time for a fucking nap._  
  
-  
  
_We become moral when we are unhappy. (Marcel Proust)_  
  
The quote popped into his head unbidden and he frowned from his current spot. He'd seen Hancock out on his balcony, then again at the main door and he was glad the mayor couldn't see him from his spot, glaring at the man.  
  
(Outside - Staind)  
  
He hadn't seen her since he'd left them in Fahrenheit's care, but he knew she was still injured, so why the fuck would John be wandering around half-naked? With him, that usually only meant one thing.  
  
-  
  
She was starting to get antsy, being cooped up in the Old State House.  
  
(Beat the Devil's Tattoo - Black Rebel Motorcycle Club)  
  
She'd managed to convince Hancock to let her try some Day Tripper under his supervision, so she had been feeling a bit more mellow and happy, but little by little it was wearing off again.  
  
Mac joined her out on the balcony for a cigarette, standing side by side. She stole some sideways glances, trying to figure out what kind of mood he was in today.  
She woke up after he'd gotten back the other night and he had been irritated about something. She saw John talking to him over on the couches and he'd started warming back up.  
She was having a hard time trying to figure out his mood swings. When she'd mentioned wanting to head back out, Mac frowned and got all irritated again.  
  
_Sometimes I know exactly what he's thinking, then there are the times I do not fucking understand the man at all._  
  
She'd been trying to do more the last couple days and was met with resistance every step of the way. Audra knew they just wanted to make sure she was okay, but all this sitting still made her anxious, waiting for the chance to go after a courser. Between the biogel and Kay's salve, Hancock was pretty well off at this point, her scratch was still healing but it was in amazingly good shape. She figured she wasn't up for a courser yet, but she could probably be okay doing some Minutemen stuff if they ever let her free.  
  
At least she had clothes now, still couldn't wear a bra, but it was better than being naked. Mickey got some shirts from Daisy and Sully had gone and come back with a bag full of stuff from Ellie. She'd even repaired John's duds, so he was happy again. After their talk, he'd been a little off, but by the next day, things seemed to be okay between them. She still tried to limit contact with Mac right in front of him, but it was hard. Her mind felt all over the place as the chems started wearing off and she just kinda wanted to curl up on his lap.  
  
_John...Mac...Sturges...Nicky...I don't know what the hell to do. And of course my mystery man, the guardian angel/stalker._  
  
Mac wandered inside and she closed her eyes, trying to recall coming out of the Glowing Sea, trying to recall the mysterious guardian angel that had saved her yet again. He was wearing a Gunner outfit with a helmet and a bandanna. Blue, blue eyes...darker than Mac's, cerulean instead of powder blue. Aidan's eyes.  
She sighed and figured it was useless, she couldn't remember anymore, just like when she tried remembering after Starlight Drive-In.  
  
She rubbed her face and blinked a few times, then blinked a few more, then openly stared.  
  
_Okay, I really don't know what his game is, but I'm gonna find out._  
  
Mr Railroad Man was back, her eyes had landed on him after rubbing her face, but he looked a little bit different. He wore different sunglasses and a Watch outfit, but the way he stood...the way he felt...it was him.  
  
He'd been staring back and he had to realise she saw him. He looked away, casually lighting a cigarette, but when he looked back she was gone. She ran back in, ignoring the stares from Mac and John.  
  
'Be right back, just want to check something.'  
  
Audra was down the stairs and out before they could stop her.  
  
She made herself slow down, walking with purpose, but not rushed. When she rounded the corner, he was still there, barely masking his surprise and irritation as she approached.  
  
_It is, it is him. That was the same look he had at Bunker Hill when I made him._  
  
He looked like he was ready to bolt as she leant up against the wall near him.  
  
'Hey, got a spare cig?'  
  
'Uh, sure...here ya go.'  
  
'Thanks, hey, can I ask you something?'  
  
'Sure.'  
  
She reached out, grabbing his ear and dragging him into the nearest alley.  
  
'What. The. Fuck? Why are you here again? I figured you would have gotten the hint after the Memory Den.'  
  
'Owww, what the fuck yourself? Really...what am I fucking 12?'  
  
She didn't answer...she couldn't answer. She couldn't breathe. She reached out and grabbed the glasses off of his face.  
  
_Aidan's eyes. Holy fuck. I'm losing my mind or I'm way higher than I thought. A little bit taller...but...his voice...rougher...deeper...but Cali boy through and through...oh holy shit...oh holy shit. I'm an idiot._  
  
The last thing she saw was the fear on his face and him reaching for her before everything went black.  
  
-  
  
(Waiting Game - Banks)  
  
_'Why? Why? Really? Why the fuck would you do that, do you like playing with me? I can't fucking believe you. That's it...I'm out of here.'_  
_Falling to the floor crying, so confused, why couldn't he just tell her what he wanted?_  
  
_'You...you and him...at my party. Is this payback? Were you always just messing with me? Did you ever actually care or has it been one big game for you? Just. Leave. Both of you. GET OUT. GET OUT, I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.'_  
_She made everyone leave...she didn't want to deal with anyone. She cried and sat on the floor of the bathroom, looking at the straight razor in her hands. Just a few. What does a promise matter if he never really cared?_  
  
_Scowling and grabbing his ear, dragging him around to the side of the house._  
_'Really? After all of that, you're trying to break it off with that lame lie?'_  
_'What the fuck, Chunk. Do you think I'm 12 or something?'_  
  
_'I want you to have this Chunk...Audra...' chuckling softly as he corrected himself, the silver band, warm from being in his pocket as he slipped it on her finger. 'It's a promise, I'll be back for you.'_  
_Her cheeks burning as he leant in, brushing the softest of kisses on her lips, her fingers curling in his ginger hair._  
  
She sat up, thrashing on the bed and Mac was there trying to grab her arms.  
  
Her face was wet.  
  
Tears.  
  
Mr Railroad Man.  
  
He had Aidan's eyes.  
  
Aidan's voice.  
  
Mac got a hold of her, holding her on his lap, pinning her arms to her sides. Her back was on fire. It hurt, but the pain was real, she was really here. John and Fahr watching with worry on their faces. Looking up at Mac.  
  
Nate's eyes.  
  
'Mr Railroad Man is the guardian angel.'  
  
Mac looked confused, but John and Fahr...  
  
_They knew._  
  
He was gone again. Was he there before? Was she losing her mind? Did she kill herself and go to hell? Was this her hell, living a life at the end of the world with faces to remind her of the past?  
  
_I should have turned into a tree._  
  
She couldn't stop the tears and the hysterical laughter, sobbing against Mac's chest till she passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bum bum bummmmmmm...I think ya'll saw that coming...but how? O.o
> 
> When she talks about turning into a tree, that's a reference to Dante's Inferno. In the 7th level of hell, the suicides are turned into trees or bushes and are eaten by harpies.


	6. Another Person's Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Audra explains to the guys why she has to leave, dropping another bombshell after they discuss the Brotherhood Of Steel.  
> Mac pre-relationship build up.  
> Audra confronts Nick about why he left, angry sex ensues.  
> She goes to find Paladin Danse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The section where Nick and Audra have sex is rough, not really non-con, but angry sex. If that bothers you, then I recommend skipping after Audra gets to Home Plate.

Audra sighed, looking across the coffee table at John.  
  
She'd been crying on and off for two days and she was tired. They ended up giving her some of the Calmex stuff that Solomon had tried pushing on her before and while it calmed her down, she felt like her brain didn't work and she really needed it to.  
  
(The Dope Show - Marilyn Manson)  
  
The only thing she was able to get out of John and Fahr was that Mr Railroad Man's name was Deacon, he'd been around since before John became mayor, and that every couple years he had a different face.  
  
_That could explain the differences..._  
  
Most of the time she was curled up on Mac's lap, talking softly with him and only him.  
She told him her name, about Aidan, about Nate, about Nick and everything that had happened since she woke up.  
How this Deacon had Aidan's eyes and voice, how Deacon said things that Aidan had said and that it was impossible.  
Talking about whether or not something like reincarnation was possible.  
How much Mac looked like Nate and that he had some similar traits.  
She told him about Shaun and how the birth was rough, what he was like as a baby. They had to give her more Calmex after she broke down again, sobbing for her son and how he was older and wouldn't know her.  
  
Mac told her about where he grew up, a place called Little Lamplight, and the others he considered family.  
He told her his full name and she told him what his names meant, making him blush when she said he would add brightness to her life.  
They talked about how he became mayor of Little Lamplight, laughing when she told him the one nickname the guys had given her. Mumbling about how he had to deal with Princess and now there was a Queenie in his life.  
He talked about meeting another vault dweller.  
The Capital Wasteland and what he'd seen while travelling around.  
The time he met the current Elder of the Brotherhood of Steel when he was 16 and how they got into a fistfight.  
  
If she wasn't with Mac, she'd be out on the balcony, keeping an eye out for Deacon.  
  
Logically she told herself it couldn't be Aidan, that he had died even before the end of the world and it just didn't make sense. But her life was something straight out of a science-fiction story as it was right now, so why not add even more impossible to it. She'd sit there looking for him, so very angry.  
  
If it was him, then why the hell would he do what he was doing? Why the hell wouldn't he just talk to her?  
  
(Destination - Nickle Creek)  
  
She started refusing any of the chems they tried to get her to take. She knew they were trying to help, but she just didn't want it right now. She wanted a clear brain, she wanted the truth...she could live with the pain.  
  
John was doing better, he had some scars, but they didn't bother him when he used the salve. Her back was pretty much healed, but the new skin was sensitive still, Mac would help her rub salve on her back to keep it from getting tight.  
She'd talked about going out with the Minutemen and had John, Mac, and Fahr gang up on her and protest. But then she'd gotten the letter from Preston and she told them she was going to have to go.  
  
So there they were Mac at her side and John and Fahr on the other couch. Mac was beyond irritated, Fahr's expression was guarded, and John was angry and looking downright dangerous.  
  
'I'm going tomorrow. I'll swing by Diamond City and spend the night there, then go to the station the day after. I can't take you, John, because they might shoot you on sight. I can't take you, Mac, because of your history with the Elder. I just need to go get a feel for them and then work out a deal. Nothing out of the realm of my abilities at all.'  
  
'You don't know them, you don't know him. If it weren't for Charlie, Maxson would have probably taken over everything after Sarah died. He was a brat before, but he lost it after that...pushing Charlie away and becoming even more of a bigot.'  
  
'...Maxson?'  
  
'Yeah, Elder Arthur Maxson.'  
  
'...is Maxson a common surname in DC?'  
  
Mac frowned at her and she did her best to maintain a blank face, Hancock and Fahr looking between the two of them, lost as to what was going on now.  
  
'No, he's supposedly the last of his great line or some shi...stuff like that. He's from back West. His ancestor Roger Maxson was the one who founded the Brotherhood...so he's practically like their freaking prince.'  
  
Audra couldn't stop the snort that came out and the snort turned into a snicker and soon she was laughing so hard her back was aching and she was clutching her cramping side. The others looked at her, worried that she'd finally really snapped or something. She'd been crying and now she was laughing till she was wheezing, lying across Mac's lap.  
  
'I...I'm living a fuck....fucking...heh....sci-fi....story...heh heh heh....HA!'  
  
She rolled off the couch, ignoring them as she went to the balcony, lighting a cigarette. She couldn't stop the occasional giggle and she seriously wondered once again if she was dead or something.  
Audra looked up to see the three of them approaching her cautiously.  
  
'Queenie? Are you going to tell us what that was about?'  
  
She lit another cigarette, sliding an arm around Mac's waist and leaning against him. The corner of her mouth turning up at him using her nickname.  
  
'I have decided that I am living in a fucking science-fiction story. Along with my father...Roger Maxson walked me down the aisle at my wedding. He threw Nate's bachelor party. I was the god-mom to his son Roger Maxson the Second, but he was just Max or Squirt to me. Roger's nickname was Gov, short for Governor. We called him that because he was the leader of the squad that included my father, Nate, and Aidan. I have pictures of all of us. I have pictures of Roger dancing with me at my wedding.'  
  
She looked up at them and they were just gaping at her. So she just finished her cigarette and went inside and started packing her bag so it would be ready in the morning.  
  
'Sunshine...'  
  
'I'm going, John. Nothing is stopping me, I have to see this. I won't be in much danger...I can take care of myself and I'm sure fucking Deacon will be trailing after me like he always is. Besides, since I've decided I'm living in a science-fiction story...I can't die. They wouldn't kill off the main character till they resolve the plot and since I haven't found Shaun yet, I'm safe.'  
  
She sat on the bed laughing slightly hysterically, hiding her face in her hands. She heard them walking by and wasn't surprised when she felt the bed sink as she was pulled over onto Mac's lap.  
  
'RJ...'  
  
'Take me with you, please. What if you get word of a courser?'  
  
'Then I'll come and get you. I wouldn't go do that by myself. Contrary to popular opinion, I do not have a death wish.'  
  
'There's no changing your mind?'  
  
'No. I'm going tomorrow, by myself and I'll see what this descendant of Roger is like. Besides...I'm going to try to talk to Nick tomorrow and that's going to be fucking awkward enough as is.'  
  
She felt him sigh and she just wrapped her arms around his waist and hid her face against his scarf. Her heart started pounding hard when she felt him cupping her face and turning it up to him.  
Audra couldn't help but smile a little, looking at him.  
  
_Such beautiful eyes._  
  
She wasn't sure what was going on with them, but he seemed to have his own demons he was hiding. He never really pushed forward and often seemed surprised when she was affectionate towards him. When he'd told her stuff, there was a large gap of time and she wondered what had happened.  
  
This wasn't like their first kiss. That one was a promise of passion and desire. This one...the kiss was sweet, so sweet it made her heart ache. This one could break her heart even more.  
  
-  
  
_I'm gonna wring her fucking neck. Goddamn stubborn woman. Then his for fucking good measure._  
  
John was losing his patience. Fucking Deacon seemed to end up with a passed out Audra more often than not and if what she was saying was even remotely true, the spy's secrets were greater than just saving synths.  
  
(When You Break - Bear's Den)  
  
They probably would have died if Deacon hadn't saved them and he was fucking grateful to the man for that, but he came damn close to stabbing him when he burst into the State House carrying a passed out Audra. Then the ass disappeared in the chaos.  
  
Since they had been back it had just been one thing after another.  
  
He'd behaved when Mac was the only one that could keep her from having nightmares  
He'd done his best to remain calm and friendly after their talk.  
John sent a piece of his mind off to Valentine, reminding him what an idiot he was being.  
When Mac got back and assumed the worst after seeing Audra in his shirt, he had to explain to the kid that one - she was her own woman and he would need to learn to roll with her choices, just like Sturges had told him...and two - John wasn't one of the chosen. He posed the question to the kid whether or not it would bother him, sharing her if he had to because of her relationships with Nick and Sturges, and the kid didn't know how to answer.  
When Audra asked him to give her something, he tried to keep her safe while she tried things.  
He felt his heart drop into his stomach seeing sunshine passed out again and felt the beginnings of anger towards Deacon.  
He watched her fall apart again and hurt for her, wishing he had stabbed the spy.  
John watched as she got even closer to the kid, sharing secrets with him.  
And here she was, wanting to run off again after dropping the bomb about the founder of the Brotherhood.  
  
She really wanted to go meet with those assholes? Then she refused to take someone with her and he was just done.  
  
_Right now I just want her gone so I can get high and forgot the moment she walked into my town._  
  
Fahr had tried to warn him not to fall so hard. He'd been useless and she'd been the one running everything. Audra didn't need him. The town didn't need him. He was already beginning to question what his extended life as a ghoul was going to be like. If he ended up a miserable bastard like Nicky was after a century or so, he might as well just go feral let someone end him.  
  
(End Of Me - A Day To Remember)  
  
There was just that hope, the tiniest hope that she would be able to help him. That maybe there was someone out there and Audra, his ray of fucking sunshine, could pull off the impossible like everything she'd done so far.  
  
-  
  
'Oh my god! Where have you been and what the hell happened?'  
  
'Where's Nick?'  
  
'You haven't been by your place yet? He hasn't left the house in days...what happened Quinn?? He wouldn't tell me anything but that he couldn't be trusted near you.'  
  
'I don't know and that's what I would like to try to find out. We got word from Amari and so we went to Goodneighbor and she helped us go through Kellogg's memories. Shaun is in the Institute and Kellogg was supposed to find this escaped scientist, so I was going to go looking for him. But after I got out of the memory pod, I went upstairs and Nick...he sounded like Kellogg and said that he wished he'd killed me before and it upset me...then all of a sudden Nick was himself again and was saying he couldn't come with me and he lied and said that he wouldn't follow me to the Institute and that he was tired of being my toy and then so much happened and me and Hancock almost died and I met someone that looks like my dead husband and I think my dead former fiance is alive and...'  
  
'Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down Quinn.'  
  
'Audra, everyone's been calling me by my first name lately. Audra.'  
  
'Okay, Audra. I missed you. I have been worried about you. I'm glad you're alive. Please go check on Nick? You can tell me everything later, but I'm just worried about him. Do you have to leave right away or are you staying for a bit?'  
  
'Just tonight, I have pressing Minutemen stuff and have to go talk to the Brotherhood about what some of their patrols have been doing to our settlements.'  
  
'Okay. Go, see Nick. Give me a hug before you leave and stop and say hi to everyone, we've all been worried.'  
  
Audra nodded and went out, heart pounding, it had taken everything to walk into the Agency and Nick wasn't even there.  
  
(I Can't Get You Off My Mind - Miss Li)  
  
Now she had to go to the house and force herself to go inside all over again. She delayed for a while, stopping to say hello to Arturo, Piper and Nat, Yefim and Vadim. Vadim was trying to get her to stay for drinks, but she knew it was time to face the music.  
  
She unlocked the door, dropping her heavy bag at the foot of the bed with a sigh. Nick was lying there on the bed...their bed, in diagnostic mode and didn't rouse at the sound of her.  
  
_Oh, Nicky...I missed you._  
  
She emptied her bag, deciding what to bring and what to leave. Ellie spoiled her and had sent even more clothing than she'd asked for. When that was done, she cleaned her weapons and set them aside. Nick still hadn't moved, so she grabbed some clean clothes and took a much-needed shower. She started some laundry and wandered out, wearing one of her new t-shirts and some longer leg boyshorts that Ellie had made for her. She still couldn't wear a bra, it hurt too much after a while. It was evening at this point and it looked like he wasn't going to react without a push.  
  
'Nick?'  
  
She called his name a few times, when that didn't work she tried shaking his shoulder. Still nothing. She crawled on the bed and hoped he didn't freak out, straddling his lap and brushing her lips over his lightly.  
She sighed softly when she felt him relax, returning to himself, arms reflexively surrounding her. She hid her face against his neck and just soaked in the feel of him.  
  
'Doll?'  
  
'Hey...you didn't answer...I was about to break out the drastic measures.'  
  
'You...we....uh, we shouldn't. I should go.'  
  
'I consider this your home too, I don't want you to leave, but I would like to talk and to know why you left and lied to me about your reasons.'  
  
She rolled off to the side and lay down, looking up at him. He looked...tired. She wondered what he'd been going through while she slowly lost her mind.  
  
'I had to leave. I could have hurt you.'  
  
It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the full truth either.  
  
'You leaving did hurt me. Why did you suddenly think that you were going to hurt me?'  
  
'Kellogg...'  
  
'Is dead. It freaked me out hearing his voice come from you, but I killed him. Why?'  
  
'He talked to me while you went through his memories...he said the Institute would use me to hurt you. He said it would break you.'  
  
'Huh...perceptive for a dead guy. He's probably right that they might try to use you. I think they'd use all the people I care about, but I don't know about breaking me. I didn't die after you left, though I came close. I disarmed Hancock and knocked down Fahrenheit to prove a point and lived. John asked me to marry him. Sturges helped pick up the pieces when I went back to Sanctuary. John's came with me to the Glowing Sea and we met a former Institute scientist turned super mutant who told me I needed a courser chip to teleport into the Institute. I met a clone of my dead husband and that didn't break me, he's quite sweet when he's not being a punk. I found out that Deacon might be my dead former fiance Aidan and that almost broke me...but here I am. Hell, even the deathclaw couldn't get me. Now I get to go yell at the great great great...I dunno how many greats, grandson of one of the members of the Suits. Who happens to be an Elder of the Brotherhood of Steel, flying that monstrosity in the sky. I'm still here. Not broken...mostly. I just wish that you would have talked to me about it instead of lying and running.'  
  
Audra huffed, suddenly irritated, rolling so her back was to him.  
  
'I should rest, I need to leave in the morning to go talk with Paladin Danse and see if I can get an audience with the Elder to tell him to stop letting fucking patrols harass my settlements. I would like you to stay. I would like to sleep in your arms again because I love you and I fucking missed you horribly. But if you don't want to be here with me, I'm not going to stop you. There are plenty of other beds in the house. This is your home too. And you need to fucking talk to Ellie, she's been worried sick about you. We're getting closer to getting radio communication set up, so hopefully, I'll have a walkie for you soon, but like I said before...if you need help with cases just let a runner know and they'll get word to me, go check and make sure Ellie hasn't been drowning...MMmmmphhhh.'  
  
She found herself being pushed down onto her back and Nick was there, kissing her hard. He wasn't gentle, it was rough and angry...all the emotions and tensions that had been plaguing them poured into a kiss.  
  
'Is this what you want? You want me to be with you here, while you have Sturges in Sanctuary and John in Goodneighbor. Did John tell you he wrote me? He was very upset and protective of you. Didn't take you very long to get him wrapped around your finger.'  
  
He was practically growling at her, pinning her shoulders to the bed. Audra shoved at him, till he was sitting back, straddling his lap again and kissing hard.  
  
'I want you.'  
  
She moaned as he bit her lip, not enough to draw blood, but hard enough that she was going to feel it tomorrow.  
  
'I want you, Nick. Even if I have feelings for others, I want you. I'm not a fucking sailor, I don't have a girl in every port kind of deal. I am honest about all of that. I slept with Sturges, I haven't been with John and probably will never be, there's a merc name Mac I met and Goodneighbor and I have feelings for him, but we haven't done anything yet. Then there's that idiot Deacon and if I see him again I may kiss him or strangle him. I know how my fucking heart works and I will never, ever fucking apologise for giving someone the love that I feel for them and that they deserve.'  
  
She was punching at his shoulders, nearly crying, but they were angry tears.  
  
_Why can't he just believe me?_  
  
(You Move - Depeche Mode)  
  
'I love you, Nick. You deserve to be loved and you're just too fucking stubborn to accept that. You... Ahhhhh.'  
  
She couldn't talk as he thrust up against her and the rush of desire made her lose her train of thought. He grabbed her hips, picking her up and tossing her on the bed. She watched as he stood and threw his clothes off, standing there in front of her naked and hard and fucking amazing.  
  
'Is this what you want? Huh? You know what you do to me, you know how I feel about you...you come back and slide right up on me...is this what you want?'  
  
'Always.'  
  
She cried out when he climbed on top of her, kissing like it was a battle again. Teeth clashing, biting, tongues swirling. Swallowing her scream as he pulled her underwear off and shoved his entire length into her. She raked her nails down his back and wrapped her legs around his hips, riding his thrusts. He let out a strangled groan as he pushed up on his arms, grinding his hips down into hard.  
  
'Goddamn it, Audra.'  
  
'Yes...yes yes yes Nick. More!'  
  
'You're so fucking wet, you like being taken? You like being used?'  
  
'Yes, yours, I'm yours Nicky....please...please...'  
  
He growled at her again, holding onto her hips as he pounded her at a brutal pace. The head of his dick kept hitting her cervix, making her thrash and scream...loving it, loving having him so deep. Biting his shoulder and thrusting back up at him, crying out at the sudden loss of contact. But his hands were there, lifting her and flipping her onto her knees. Not even giving her a moment before he was slamming back into her hard.  
  
She couldn't help but squirm and whimper, back aching but not wanting to stop. Wanting more, wanting his climax and her own. Briefly wishing for the flesh form of Nick Valentine...wanting his seed deep inside her, wanting him to claim her. Flushing at her own thoughts, feeling her orgasm rapidly approaching.  
  
'Gonna cum...oh god, oh god, oh god...'  
  
He kept driving her, straight through her first orgasm and then a second and third. She cried out in surprise when he pulled out suddenly, fingers sliding into her, pumping hard a few times before he replaced them with his cock. She could hear his fans as he groaned, reaching his peak, going still for a moment. He held her hip, holding her still, keeping himself deep inside her.  
She tried to turn, tried to look at him, but he pulled away each time she did. So she knelt there, looking down at the pillows, arching her back so she was presenting herself to him, shuddering and gasping, juices running down her thighs.  
She whined when he pulled back, not daring to move, making little sounds to voice her displeasure.  
  
He laughed at her and the sound shot straight to her pussy, nearly driving her to another orgasm.  
  
_Fuck he always sounds so fucking amazing._  
  
'So eager, doll. You've already cum three times and still, you shiver and squirm and present yourself.'  
  
She trembled as he grabbed a fistful of her hair and she could feel his lips against her ear, his metal hand rubbing an ass cheek.  
  
'Now, I've never done this...so you'll have to speak up if it is too painful or something you don't want, understand me, Audra?'  
  
'I understand, Nick.'  
  
He sounded calmer, closer to his sweet self...which is why it caught her by such surprise when his covered hand came cracking down on her ass painfully. It was hard, enough to make her squirm and cry out, but not enough to stop just yet. He repeated the motion on the other side. Alternating spanking and rubbing the pain away. She knew her ass had to be bright red and probably bruising after several spanks. She yelped when his metal fingertips scraped over her skin, cool and hard and amazing feeling on her hot skin. She was dizzy from his shift in attitude from the first time they had sex, wondering if he'd been thinking about it all this time, just about to ask him to take a break from the spanking when she felt the bed shift.  
  
'I...don't think I can take anymore spanking.'  
  
Nick's voice came from somewhere behind her.  
  
'That's okay, trying something else now, hopefully, no pain...'  
  
Next thing she knew, Audra was driving herself backwards eagerly, moaning and crying out. Nicks' face pressed up against her, tongue sliding from her slit to her ass. Blushing brightly, slouching a little as she hid her face in the pillows.  
  
'Mmmm, why you hiding?'  
  
'Feels....feels good....so good...embarrassed...so naughty feeling.'  
  
'Mmmm naughty girl...you like it when I lick your little star?'  
  
She couldn't bring herself to answer, blushing and squirming.  
  
'Never thought I'd see you be meek and shy...'  
  
Nick was laughing a low rumble as she felt him licking at her again, the tip of his tongue forcing its way in just a little bit. It took everything she had not to squirm and grind back onto his face. Groaning softly as he started sliding a finger in and out of her aching pussy. He pulled back and started to say something then went still, so very still, it worried her.  
  
'Nick?'  
  
'You're bleeding. Why is your back bleeding? Did I scrape you on something? Lift your shirt.'  
  
He started panicking, pulling her into a sitting position and pulling off her shirt. Hissing at the sight of her back before yelling.  
  
'Jesus Christ, Audra you should have stopped me! What the hell happened?? Why are you out doing stuff with this kind of injury?'  
  
'That would be courtesy of the deathclaw I mentioned earlier. When we were leaving the Glowing Sea, John just about ran headfirst over a slope...I knocked him away, but I ended up going down the slope in my power armour...and there happened to be a deathclaw right there. Fighting ensued...idiot decided to come to my defence and got himself all cut up. I finished the deathclaw off, but not before it got a claw by my neck and ripped back. It wouldn't have been so bad except I still had to get us out of the Glowing Sea, so I grabbed John and carried him out. The ragged edge of the power armour ground on my skin and the radiation cooked it a little bit. Deacon found us at the edge of the Glowing Sea and got us back to Goodneighbor somehow. Been there healing for almost two weeks. I just need a stim for where we ripped the skin, I'll be fine.'  
  
'This is not fine, doll, you just ripped your back open. What if you have to fight? What happens then?'  
  
'Then I fight and I win and I carry on. If my back rips open then it rips open. I've taken enough time, shit needs to get done. Be happy I'm not going after a courser yet.'  
  
She knew Nick was still angry, but he just went and got a stimpack and a damp rag to clean her up. She threw the bloody shirt in the wash and brushed her teeth. Wandering back out, finding her underwear dangling from the corner of the chairs where Nick had thrown them, chuckling a little. She grabbed a new shirt and lay down in bed, glancing over at Nick, now sitting at the desk having a cigarette. He'd pulled his pants on, but left everything else still scattered on the floor. Biting her lip and looking up at him.  
  
'Are you going to join me in bed or are you going to leave me again?'  
  
'I'll be in bed shortly.'  
  
Audra just nodded a little, hugging the teddy bear and rolling onto her side. She was just starting to get sleepy when she felt the bed move, Nick sliding up behind her, hand resting on her hip lightly. She sighed softly as she felt his lips on her back, kissing along the scar gently.  
  
'I love you, Nick.'  
  
'I love you too, Audra.'  
  
She hoped he couldn't see the tears as she pulled his arm tight around her and went to sleep.  
  
-  
  
She wasn't surprised when she woke up alone, at least he wasn't there to see her cry over him.  
  
She took a shower and got dressed in one of her black suits, pulling her hair into a bun on top of her head. After debating for a moment she settled on her new short leather jacket, leaving her armour pieces. She had a couple extra suits, some sweats and t-shirts and undies. Figuring that would be good enough for however long it took to deal with the Brotherhood. Some food, water, stims, and RadAway and she figured she was set.  
Strapping Kellogg's pistol on her thigh and the Overseer's rifle on her back.  
She looked around Home Plate for a moment before grabbing her notepad from her bag and writing simple 'I love you' and leaving it on the bed for Nick to find.  
  
She was surprised when she walked into the Agency and Nick was there at his desk, looking like it was just a normal day.  
  
'Hey...I was under orders to give Ellie a hug before I left...'  
  
He just nodded and she went to the back where Ellie was getting ready in the loft. Ellie just frowned when she saw her and pulled her into a tight hug.  
  
_Must not have put my blank face on fast enough..._  
  
'Walk me out, Ellie?'  
  
'Of course, let's go.'  
  
'Detective.'  
  
'General.'  
  
She couldn't help it when she slammed the door a little harder than necessary.  
  
'Asshole. Ugh.'  
  
'Now we've gone from depressed to angry, what's up with you two? Nick waltzed in like he hasn't been gone for the past several weeks and just got down to work...now he's being all icy towards you.'  
  
'We had crazy fight sex last night and then my back started bleeding and he got all panicked and mad.'  
  
'Wait, why was your back bleeding?'  
  
'Deathclaw scrape, we split it open during the crazy sex.'  
  
'Okay. I do not want to know any more detail, but if you're still injured, be safe okay? Send a runner every once in a while so I know you're alive.'  
  
'Hopefully, soon I won't have to, we're getting closer to getting the Minutemen radio up...Look out for him...please? If you have to drag him out, then do it.'  
  
Ellie gave her another hug and Audra was on her way. Her irritation with Nick built as she walked, taking her aggression out on anything stupid enough to cross her path.  
  
(Get Up! - Korn feat. Skrillex)  
  
She cleared the super mutants nearby as she left Diamond City and went to town once she made it to Cambridge, clearing all the ferals she came across.  
  
Audra was surprised at all the new troops at the police station, it was downright busy now, walking up to the two power suited Knights at the gate.  
  
'I need to speak with Paladin Danse.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to weave together more and more. Audra still isn't in the best headspace and let's just say things get interesting.
> 
> Charlie (Charlotte) is my Lone Wanderer.


End file.
